Instill friendship among all your children!

Instill friendship among all your children!

By Dickson Tumuramye

There is a saying that blood is thicker than water. As a result, we expect siblings to be more close to each other than non-siblings or their friends. But not all siblings could be indeed close or friends with siblings. There is a possibility that you can have a close blood relationship with someone but between the two of you, you are rivals. 

A child (regardless of age) can also have a sibling who is his/her best friend. Over time, I have realized that it is not common. Best friends are rarely sisters and brothers. Friendship is formed as we get close to each other, an opportunity siblings share from childhood more than others. 

But it may not come easily except our parents can instill it in their children. I have been wondering why it's not common between the people of the same blood yet very easy among non-siblings! Friendship is something we can build with trust amongst our siblings. Have you ever wondered why you have grown up with this person but you can't share very intimate things like a sister/brother? If you do it, I will say bravo! 

Allow your children to share similar interests and encourage them to be friends. While buying play items for your little ones, who are in the same age bracket, consider choosing similar things. Teach them to share together and discourage the spirit of competition among siblings. Competition yields to malice and envy, creating sibling rivalry. 

During school visitations where you have more than one child, tell your child the importance of bonding with his/her brother/sister. Ask them who their best friends are at school and request them to also be the best friends to each other. Tell them that a real friend is one who walks with you when the rest of the world walks out on you and a brother/sister can hardly run from you. If they are ready to learn this from childhood, it will be easier to keep a strong bond as siblings.  In case they can’t get together, find out why and help them to get back to each other. 

Affirm to children that they are best friends and they can keep that spirit. A brother/sister is a brother/sister no matter what. Yet a friendship with a non-sibling may not last forever or remain strong. Sometimes distance can affect it as they say that out of sight is out of mind yet with siblings, remaining together as a family is common. This leads to having a lifelong best friend.

Always let children do house chores or any activity together if you want them to bond and be friends. Never show partiality and favour one party against the other. This will create conflict like between Cain and Abel. Treat children in an equal way which affirms to them that they are the same and indeed one blood. Where there is a difference, please make a clarification and make it clear that they are all beloved brothers or sisters. 

They share a common upbringing, and the ties of blood are strengthened by the ties of common experience. Aristotle gives three reasons why siblings can be best friends; they love each other from birth, they have the same parents, rearing, and education and so are alike in character, their friendship has been fully and convincingly tested by time. Therefore, siblings certainly have a good, long opportunity to get to know one another and the more you share, the deeper the relationship.

Parents have to be intentional in the home to ensure our children are present to one another, listen to each other, love each other, forgive each other, work together, and rejoice in good things together and instill friendship in them. Create family time where these children can always share good things in common beyond the home setting.

The writer is a child advocate and a parenting coach, Kampala

tumudickson@gmail.com