Nurturing the Dream of Your Spouse

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Nurturing the Dream of Your Spouse 

By Dickson Tumuramye

Every person has a dream from childhood, we all envision where we need to be when we grow up. We go to school and desire to become somebody. You dream that profession you would like to be. Somehow some people didn't make it to the career dreams due to different reasons.

Likewise you also dreamed of the spouse you would like to marry, the couple you would like to be and the family you would like to raise. This is more attainable because the power is in you. You at least determine your marital destiny more than your professional one. 

I can't say all couples have lived their dreams but I trust majority have been able to achieve their desired dreams. I am one of those who got a wife of my dream because I was very specific of what I needed and I patiently searched prayerfully until God did it.

When we were in courtship, we shared our expectations, disagreed on some but polished others so that both of us were in total agreement. We married and immediately worked out a 5 years' strategic plan. We were able to put those dreams on paper and implement them.

If you decide to walk in disagreement, there are consequences. I am sure most of you have done things without a spouse's blessings and they have backfired until you jointly did it together or were in agreement. Even the bible says that the two can't walk together unless they have agreed (Amos 3:3).
Now that each individual spouse has a dream, it's a responsibility of each spouse to support each other to attain it. It could be career advancement, business, number of children, call for ministry, professional development name them. 

Nurturing your spouse's dream brings bond. It helps you to work together to attain it and both of you avoid blame games because you all agreed on a certain project, analyzed it and accepted to take it up despite the cost. In case the situation gets tough, seeking solutions together and decision making becomes easier.

It may not necessarily be a childhood dream only  but interests that come along your marriage, need your support and joint nurturing. At a time our girl was nine months old, my wife got a study scholarship abroad. We had other 2 older ones  with the eldest at 4 years old. We had to sit down and plan well. It was painful to wean off such young baby and leave the infants behind under the care of a husband and a maid. But because we always walk together, I decided to take care of the children. I tell you nothing happened to the baby and she is now 4 years old. 

Some couples can't dare take such "risks" or even allow their spouses move forward with certain projects/dreams either because of fear, selfishness, ego, public opinion among others. Money may not even be an issue but other factors. You need to calculate the opportunist cost if you are influenced by the above factors. People may discourage your decision, others will criticize you all with judgments, but the two of you know what you discussed and where you are heading.

Where a couple is always in agreement, they will not heed to the criticism from the public or any form of discouragement. They will share responsibilities, they can support each other financially with the little they have, evaluate the projects and see how to increase their income. Before you know it, not even the sky will be a limit. 

Dreams can't just be talked about without doing something to achieve them whether individual or family dreams. They are nurtured, and in marriage, it calls for a joint hand, team work, unity, love, joint prayers and this will bring your light shine brighter amidst life challenges. Never be among the people to “laugh” at your spouse when things don’t work out as he/she expected. It still comes back to you.

In case you are not very sure of your spouse’s dreams or currently interests/area of focus, please be free to ask him/her of how you can be of help. If the project seems big but both of you are convinced that it is possible, encourage each other, take a risk and start it, use positive words, trust each other, pray together, always carry out monitoring and evaluation of your projects together. Kindly show mutual respect to each other, believe in each other strongly and be a cheerleader for your spouse. Never forget to tell him/her “I love you, you/we will make it together”. Open communication and transparency must be at the centre of your marriage.

If you have not been making joint family strategic plans and budgets, it may be hard for you to implement things accurately, evaluate your progress, and realize your success. You better start to plan together now than regret tomorrow.

The writer is a Child advocate, parenting coach and marriage counselor.

tumudickson@gmail.com

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