The virtue of working together with your spouse

The virtue of working together with your spouse

By Dickson Tumuramye

Most couples get along together in their first years of marriage. But as time goes on, some spouses start changing and doing things alone. The issue of planning together becomes a nightmare and therefore implementation of projects or family business becomes a one person’s responsibility. There is another category of couples who plan and always work together. They have a work plan and they know who is supposed to do what, when and how. Such couples usually make decisions together, evaluate their progress regularly and there is clear progress of what they are intending to do.

In case of any failure, everyone is responsible and accountable to each other. Unlike in the first category where each does whatever he/she wishes, this second couple owns their mistakes and this inspires them to come together to plan for the next move. It is hard for children in the first category to know what their parents are doing or if they have joint family plans. Such couples could be doing things out of fear, ego or selfishness.

There is no way how a couple should run away from working together (I don’t mean sitting in the same office together, but doing things together as a couple) if they want to prosper as a family. When you were coming together, you agreed to share everything including your bodies. What belongs to you becomes a possession for your spouse as well. There is nothing that should be hidden from each other because you are one.

How does it start

Love and intimacy

Where there is no love, there is no peace, oneness, togetherness. As the bible tell us that love covers a multitude of sins and where it is not, there is strife and hatred, love binds hearts together and this brings you close to each other. Love makes it possible and simple for couples to come together and be focused. It is important for a couple to keep their fire burning throughout their marriage. Love and intimacy are core foundations of building marriage.

Planning together

You will not achieve anything if you don’t sit down and put your heads together to think through what you would like to achieve. The fact that the two can’t walk together unless they have agreed, so also you can’t work together unless you know what you would like to do and how to do it. Planning is important because it helps the couple set priorities and come up with a work plan. It helps you make good financial decisions and how best you can apportion the available resources to suit your intended projects among others. 

Team work

Working together builds team work in your marriage because couples are always together to implement their decisions or work plans. The plans you make guide you on who is doing what, how and when. I know you can testify that you have ever done a project a lone without your spouse’s involvement and things did not work out as expected. But when the two of you agree and work together, there is always success. It is said that when you want to run fast, walk alone but if you want to reach far, walk with others. Team building helps you “Together Each one Achieves Much” (TEAM).

Shared vision and purpose

Most successful couples share the same vision and they clearly understand their purpose. They each know what they intend to achieve in a given period of time and they can easily figure out where they want to be at a certain level. There is nothing like we are “just working” and this brings us back to having plans together which spells out each one’s role. It inspires each one of you to work hard towards achieving your goals since you are sure of where you want to be, how and when. 

Spend time with other

We know that among the love languages there is quality time but this may be none of your languages as a couple. Nonetheless, quality time for a couple to spend together is greatly important. It helps you relax and talk to each on everything not necessarily related to your business or family. It is just a time you need to always talk with each other regardless of the topic. Love must flow all the time and anywhere. When you have spent time working together, given attention to children, family and friends etc, the two of you need your own separate quality time to make your own jokes, play together, share moments among others to keep your happiness/joy alive. Scheduling date nights can work better for you.

I argue couples to work hard together and live to leave a legacy for your children. Work together as if there is no tomorrow. King Solomon in his words of wisdom says “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom” (Ecclesiastes 9:10). Hard working people who are together in everything are likely to be very successful professionally and in business, are well determined and focused on what they would like to achieve in a given period of time. 

The writer is a parenting coach and marriage counselor, Kampala

tumudickson@gmail.com