Before you have another child

One of the complex topics I remember studying while in primary school was democracy. The teacher defined it as the government of the people for the people by the people.  I did not comprehend the meaning of the word government, let alone the term democracy apart from cramming that it’s definition mentioned the word people three times in one sentence. That is the last time I had a close relationship with the word and practice of democracy. In my adult life, I have heard people, especially from the political circles remind me that I am the government. I have never quite understood that allegation because if I was the government in the true sense of the word, Uganda would be a different story. Like they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

So, the boy from Nyakitoko who heads the Tumuramye family decided to import this democracy phenomenon in the management of his home.  I must add that being a democrat has won him favor and popularity in his household constituency. I have heard the children, who form the biggest electorate in this constituency question my adamancy to sticking to unpopular policies like taking naps every afternoon, playing from set territorial boundaries and finishing one’s food. Well, my not being a democrat gives me opportunity to state without any fear of contradiction that some issues in any government are non-negotiable like paying taxes.

Towards the end of last year, the family head tabled a sensitive motion to the family parliament. I had not been given prior notice as a key stakeholder in the family affairs. Hubby gave the excuse that he had opened the can of worms just to test the waters. I hope that experience left him with lifelong lessons that water is not just tested as a matter of fact, but with life jackets.

‘David, we are thinking of having another child very soon.’ hubby conversationally told our six-year-old son.

‘That means you will be four children in total. So, do you wish we could have a boy or a girl?’ he continued.

I didn’t know where this discussion was leading so I just slouched into the couch to relax after the mid-morning church service. Since I had not been invited in the conversation, it was only safe to listen in as a spectator. How could I even show interest in a topic on babies, when I had in the past had countless questions from the same chaps on why we were not having another child, yet all their friends’ mothers had had babies.

‘Aunt Comfort got baby Darrian…. Aunt Emily has baby Jeremiah, its only us without a baby! But mummy why?’ such tantrums were commonplace in our home during that season.

Why would anyone want to resurrect such discussions, especially when not ready for the consequences? Only my democratic husband takes such risks.

‘Four children? Did you say another baby? I don’t want a baby – whether boy or girl’ David responded. The seriousness on his face was telling.

‘But David, just the other day you were pestering mummy that you want another baby.’ The daddy argued.

David’s argument following this question got me sitting upright.

 ‘We asked you to buy for us scouts uniform and you said you didn’t have money. Teacher Isaiah said scouts’ uniform is two notes of fifty thousand shillings only. You have only two small boys, yet you have failed to buy scouts uniform for them. Now you are saying you want another baby! Me I don’t want the baby.’ David firmly made his submission.

Hubby was beaten hands down. He lost words. I laughed at him in my heart, wondering what he was thinking about tabling such a motion.

The rude reminder that his economic radar was not on an increasing trend like the alleged Ugandan one was timely. This school term he bought for the boys the much-coveted scouts’ uniform. To say they were overjoyed to receive the regalia would be an understatement.

I am keeping my fingers crossed, dreading the day they will table a motion petitioning why we are not having another child. It is clear now, from David’s perspective that we can afford having another child.

©Prim K. Tumuramye

Prim is a Christian, wife, mother and Communications Specialist at Compassion International. She is passionate about reading, writing, youth mentorship and intentional parenting.