IF I COULD REMARRY

‘Mummy, do you still have your mugole dress?’ my five-year-old son David asked on the eve of our 8^th marriage anniversary.

That warm evening, I had told our children that the coming day was special in our lives because it marked 8 years of my living together with the dad. To help them understand, I told them that on that same day I had put on the white gown they see in pictures. They all knew that the same dress is only a reserve for brides – locally known as bagole. I was ill prepared for the next question following this conversation.

‘But daddy and mummy, why didn’t you take us to your party on that day? We are nowhere in those pictures.‘ he asked with concern.

You could tell from his eyes the message that seemed to run in his mind – ‘and you pretend to love us, yet you forgot to take us for such a day you still treasure eight years later!’

We were caught off guard.

‘But you were not there!’ I reassuringly told him.

He looked at me in disbelief. Well, I could understand his position. The little man seems to think that he has always been part of our lives. To be honest, I also think that life has never been the same ever since he came on the scene. I knew this was not the right time to discuss where he was and why we could not have him first and the bridal gown after. The topic on books before brides is not one to be rushed. I looked at the clock ticking away, and it rudely reminded me that tomorrow was another school day. He needed enough rest.  My mind raced for answers. Hubby searchingly looked at me as if to communicate this boy asks hard questions just like the mother.

‘Why don’t you put on the dress again and have us at your party?’ he quickly suggested.

‘Wow! Great idea. We will look into that and see how it rolls.’ I excitedly told him.

I was not necessarily excited about his great idea, but glad that this conversation was ending with a win-win solution. I tucked him to bed with a promise that one day we would look into his proposal and implement it, if funding allows. A week after our anniversary we travelled upcountry. While on the six-hour drive journey, I dozed off, occasionally being woken up by the ungodly risky swerving and abrupt stops of the driver. While asleep, I fantasied about David’s suggestion of my wearing the bridal gown again. So much has changed ever since I last put on that much coveted gown. The physical change is the most prominent of them all. In the fantasy I imagined an opportunity, well some would call it luck and my Christian friends, a blessing. By whatever name it came, I knew it would certainly be a windfall for the Tumuramye family. I pictured myself being approached by one of the glamorous bridal magazines. We have quite a number in Uganda today; Bride and Groom, Flair for Her, My Wedding and so much more. And this magazine would graciously ask me to be their featured bride for that edition. This would come with an offer of bridal and groom wear, of course with the entourage, make up and photo shoot and sharing our story. Again, it would be a win-win deal, my coverage provides the content, their publication gives my son an opportunity to witness me physically in a bridal gown with him being invited at that fundamental occasion. Where would the magazine benefit from? Great benefits – I envisaged. Imagine the effects on sales when a magazine unveils a love story of a young man from the hitherto unknown hills of Nyakitoko marrying a girl from the great Kigezi hills. Beyond doubt, the mileage from the readership would be guaranteed. The conductor woke me from my sweet fantasy when he announced that those headed to Kabale needed to alight off the Rwanda bound bus.

The fantasy still lingers in my mind. It repeatedly comes with a weird question in my mind. What if I had the opportunity to remarry? I have taken stock of the gains and the losses encountered in this 8-year marital journey so far. To merely insinuate that I have been ordinarily blessed would be the biggest understatement of all time. The truth of the matter is we have been extravagantly blessed. We started out with nothing, just two young lads claiming they have come to a point where they cannot live without one another. On the 20^th of November 2010, our wish was granted. We started living together, urged never to depart from that union. There have been moments where I have searched my mind for answers if I was truly sure this is the person I wanted to live with, for better, for worse. Maybe more of such moments are even yet to come. I have since learnt that they are part of every marital union, apart from those in the fairy tales. I asked myself again, what if I could remarry.

Beyond reasonable doubt, if I could remarry I am sure I would make the best decision, not with the eight years’ experience in the same institution. Yes, if I could remarry, I would choose one person whom I thought I knew then but did not actually know.

So, as I live out my fantasy, after the grand offer from one of the prestigious bridal magazines(maybe it will come to pass), with my two sons Dickson and David as page boys and my lovely little girl Deborah as a flower girl, I can only imagine what a stunningly beautiful bride I would make in that white gown just like I did eight years ago! And yes, part of the extravagant blessings is another daughter, Akiiki, whom God has graciously put under our care. She would make such a beautiful bridesmaid. And I would lovingly look into the eyes of the man I could remarry, Dickson Tumuramye and tell him that I want to be yours till death does us part.

©Prim K. Tumuramye

Prim is a Christian, wife, mother and Communications Specialist at Compassion International. She is passionate about reading, writing, youth mentorship and intentional parenting.