By
Dickson Tumuramye
Most children report
back to school this week and next week.
Take time to talk to them, because there is too much pressure this
term.
It doesn't matter how
your child performed last term or at primary seven, and senior four, this is not only a
promotional term but it also determines one's progress to another level in
their academic career. This level could be senior one, senior five,
or any post-secondary institution of higher learning.
Your child(ren) needs
uplifting words to carry them through this term. Some may have fallen sick last
term, others could have missed some classes/exams due to other reasons, others
are average performers and they are scared of this third term.
They are not sure
whether they are going to improve their
performance or they may
be demoted or advised to try somewhere else. A child with all that
running in
his/her mind may get psychological challenges and this could affect their
performance.
It is on this note that
your words of encouragement may have a positive influence on your child's view
of self-image and
the future.
Some parents could
still feel
bad
that a child didn't perform well last term due to negligence. Don't add
negative words as you remind him/her to read
hard. It's like adding salt to an injury. Even
speaking to this child calmly can still drive that point home
well.
After all, some
children already feel guilty and convicted. Other than standing with them in
their weaknesses, you are showing them that they are already 'useless' and
'stupid' enough so you don't
expect much this term.
I also know that there
are children who are regular problem cases and you are on
the verge of giving up. But before you completely throw in a towel, remember that
this is your own blood, you are building your child's future and no
better person can help your child better than yourself if you remain strong. I
know other people can come on board and help
this child and a change can happen but that is only if you don't give
up on him/her.
Before taking them to
school, sit them down
the remaining days and speak to each child. Ask family members to give a word
of encouragement to each other. Have a special time for your
candidate children and speak words that will stir their self-confidence and esteem.
Remind them how this final term has a lot to determine
their career.
If a child is reading
under too much pressure due to competition and anxiety, this child needs to be guided to calm down.
Talk about the challenges of peer pressure
during classes and revision. Some can be affected negatively. As a
parent, listen carefully to the child's comments or needs/expectations and if
they feel they are facing pressure from the family or school, advise them
accordingly. But you should also reduce
the pressure. I have talked to children in my counseling sessions
who say that
they hate themselves because they have too much pressure from
their parents. Expectations are too high and even when they try their best, every
time a child expects a positive response they get a bad
reaction. Such children feel that however much they do all they can a parent
may not appreciate
it. They too have psychological challenges they are battling with and
their parents are not ready to listen to them.
As a
parent, you may have made it in life but this child and the season are now
different. Handle each case differently without generalizations.
Keep calm
as well and give
breathing space to your child rather than losing him/her. After
all, even those who don't get first grades or 20 points at A-level have
successfully completed university
and are
doing better at workplaces than some 'A' students.
Life is not about first
grades and first classes. Meaningful life is about how a child integrates what
s/he learns into proper perspective and can make very informed decisions that
keep him/her focused.
Prepare a good
meal for your children as they go back to school especially those in
the boarding section. Take a good time
to fellowship together and
have time to pray for your children. You are the first prophet in
your child's life. You know what you desire to see in this child, what you
discuss, and you are prepared to see come to pass. The Bible
says "You shall decree a thing and it shall be established" (Job
22:28). Give them the
word of God to stand on.
You may not meet all the
school requirements this term. Talk to your child(ren)
to explain what you are experiencing, and give
them assurance that all will be well. This can eliminate
unnecessary anxiety for
your child. Do what you can
to reach out to your child's school, and explain your predicament.
You will all make it through Christ who strengthens us because with Him all
things are possible (Philippians 4:13, Matthew 19:26).
If you feel you can't
talk alone or as a family it won't change anything, use a family
friend, and invite your pastor to speak to them. We are also there as counselors
to help
stand with you on
this journey.
Seek their advice.
*The writer is the Executive Director of Hope Regeneration Africa,
parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder - Men
of Purpose Mentorship Programme.*
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