Behind the Smile: The Hidden Mental Struggles of Our Children
By Dickson Tumuramye
The journey starts so
early in the morning. From the classroom to the playground, or from the
classroom to the dining area for a short time and back to class, and
increasingly at home, many children are absorbing stress, rejection, and
confusion in ways we often underestimate. With exams looming, the pressure only
intensifies. Teachers expect high performance. Parents demand results. Friends
can be unforgiving, and society doesn’t understand them. But amid all this, who
is really listening to the children?
Home Is Not Always Safe
For many children, home should be a place of safety and comfort. Yet it often becomes a zone of performance and perfection. Some children are afraid to go home after school because they fear being scolded over poor grades or unfinished chores. Others endure homes filled with constant fighting, parental absence, or harsh discipline. They learn to suppress their emotions and "be strong", a trait we mistakenly applaud as resilience.
But what we label as strength may be silent suffering. That quiet child may not
just be shy. They could be battling
anxiety, fear, pressure, or rejection. That overly active child might not be
“just naughty”; they may be seeking attention or escape from emotional neglect.
The Cry Beneath the Grades
As exams approach, let us
remember that academic performance is only one indicator of a child’s well-being.
A struggling child does not always need more revision; sometimes, they need
reassurance. Sometimes they don’t need school fees/tuition but time,
undistracted, affirming, presence of a parent or lovely family member, even if it
is just to sit there together for a short time.
Mental health challenges
in children manifest in ways we often misread: irritability, withdrawal,
tantrums, sleep changes, even unexplained stomachaches. Many are silently
crying for help but lack the vocabulary or courage to say, “I am not okay.”
Instead of asking, “Why did you fail?” let us ask, “How are you feeling lately?”
Instead of saying “You should know better,” let us say, “Is there something
bothering you?” Pay attention and be sensitive enough. This is your own son,
own daughter.
Let’s Normalize Emotional Check-ins
We check school bags. We
check report cards. We even check uniform seams. But when was the last time we
checked our child’s heart?
A simple daily question like “What was the hardest part of your day?” or “Who
made you feel sad today?” could open doors to deep emotional conversations. We
must learn to listen, not just with our ears, but with our eyes and hearts.
Mental health is not only for adults. Children can experience depression,
anxiety, grief, and trauma. Yet many suffer in silence because they don’t want
to disappoint us, or because we’ve made them feel their feelings are invalid. Stay
tuned, stay connected.
Faith, Hope, and Healing
As a Christian parenting
coach, I believe God calls us to be safe spaces for our children. Proverbs 22:6
reminds us to train up a child in the way they should go, not only in academics
or chores, but in emotional intelligence and spiritual anchoring.
Jesus Himself invited children freely to Him (Matthew 19:14), offering presence
and affirmation before instruction. Can we model the same grace? Stop instructions
and carry them on your lap. Age may not matter.
Moving Forward: Practical Steps
🖊️Listen more than you speak. Be emotionally available, especially after school or in the evening. James 1:19 says, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.”
🖊️Validate their feelings. Let your child know it’s okay to feel sad, nervous, or tired. But what makes a difference is if they are always willing to open up and share early enough.
🖊️Limit pressure. Let them know you value effort over perfection.
🖊️Create safe spaces. Whether it’s bedtime prayers or weekend walks, give space for honest talk. Don’t wait for them to open up. Sometimes, they don’t understand what to do.
🖊️Partner with teachers. Don’t struggle alone with your child. Stay informed about your child’s emotional behavior at school.
Conclusion
Children may not say “I’m
depressed,” but their behavior speaks. They may not cry for help out loud, but
their silence could be screaming. We need to tune in, lean close, and become emotionally
literate as parents and teachers. Because if we do not address children’s mental health today, we may be dealing
with broken adults tomorrow. The choice to be present in their lives at all times
belongs to you alone.
The writer is the executive director of Hope Regeneration Africa, a parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder of – Men of Purpose mentorship program
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