Who Sets the Rules in Your Home? Rethinking the Entitlement Generation
By Dickson Tumuramye
There was a time when the word of a parent was final. It wasn’t necessarily a
dictatorship, but rather a culture built on respect, boundaries, and structure. When your father said “no,” you understood it was “no.” When your mother gave a directive, you knew questioning it was not an option. It wasn’t fear — it was honour, and perhaps a little dose of holy reverence.
The Shift: Children Now
Dictate the Rules
But today, things seem to
have changed drastically. We are living in an era where children are the ones
setting the pace for parents. Rules are being questioned, boundaries are being
redrawn by toddlers and teens, and sadly, many parents are giving in, sometimes
even applauding this new boldness in the name of modern parenting.
Emotional Blackmail
It is common to hear
children say, “You don’t love me,” simply because you denied them a phone,
restricted screen time, or asked them to wash dishes. Others say things like,
“You’re mistreating me,” or even, “I wish I weren’t your child.” These words
pierce deeply, especially for parents who work hard to provide the best they
can. In response, many parents begin to second-guess themselves.
In trying not to annoy
our children, we are raising a generation of emotionally fragile, overly
entitled individuals who believe life owes them everything. Many parents are
afraid of being labelled "strict." They loosen the reins out of fear
— fear of losing their child’s affection, fear of appearing too harsh, or fear
of being labelled as “out of touch with the times,” "traditional," or
"outdated." But in trying to be liked, we are losing our place as
leaders in the home.
The Rise of the Jaydens
and the Gen Z Dilemma
We now have children who
cannot handle being told “no.” Children who cannot follow basic instructions at
home, and later become adults who can’t cope in a workplace or marriage and
family. We’ve seen the rise of the "Jaydens" pampered, well-planned
kids raised to believe the world revolves around them.
Even worse, employers
often complain about Gen Z employees: “They get tired too fast. They lack
initiative. They wait to be followed up. They can’t solve problems on their
own.” “They lack professionalism and innovation.” This is not a Gen Z problem —
it is a parenting gap. A reflection of homes where structure has been
sacrificed on the altar of “understanding” and “modernity.”
Don’t Be Afraid to Say
"No"
Let’s be clear. There is
nothing wrong with being a loving, supportive, and understanding parent. Our
children should indeed feel heard, loved, and valued. But love must not replace
discipline. Let your child feel heard and loved, yes, but within the limits of
respect. If they cry because you said “no,” let them cry. If they sulk because
you denied them something, hold your ground. Saying “no” now builds the
emotional muscle they will need in adulthood.
Let Them Struggle — It’s
Good for Them
Let your child be free to
express themselves, yes, but within the limits of respect. Let them question
ideas, but teach them how to do it constructively. Let them fail, and don't be
too quick to rescue them. Allow them to experience the consequences of their
actions. If they spend all their pocket money in one week, don’t top it up. If
they fail to complete their chores, let them miss their favourite show. If they
are denied something for misbehaviour, stand your ground even if they sulk or
threaten withdrawal. We must also normalise letting children struggle. It’s
okay for them to be disappointed, to fail, to feel bored, and to miss out
sometimes. That’s how they learn resilience, patience, and creativity. A
struggle-free life creates a weak adult.
Consistency is Better
than Popularity
Children don’t need
perfect parents; they need consistent ones. Your firmness today becomes their
internal discipline tomorrow. Your insistence on accountability becomes their
future integrity. Your boundaries become their guardrails when life tempts them
to veer off course. Understanding must not override responsibility. Compassion
must not eliminate correction. If we want to raise strong, responsible, and
balanced individuals, we must restore the forgotten art of parental authority
and structured boundaries.
Parenting is Not a
Popularity Contest
You are not in a
popularity contest with your child. You are not their peer. You are their
parent, their guide, mentor, protector, and disciplinarian. Let’s stop fearing
rejection and start focusing on raising capable, respectful, and grounded young
people. Your boundaries today become their moral compass when no one is
watching.
Reclaim Your Role in the
Home
So, ask yourself
honestly: Who sets the rules in your home? If it’s not you, it’s time to
reclaim your place. Rebuild structure. Reinforce boundaries. Say “no” when
necessary. Let your “yes” mean “yes,” and your “no” mean “no.” Your child may
not thank you today, but they will in the future when life gets tough and they
realise you gave them the tools to survive, thrive, and succeed.
In conclusion
Parenting is not for the
faint-hearted. It is not for those who fear tears, tantrums, or temporary
rejection. It is for the brave-hearted who love their children enough to do the
hard things like to say “no” when necessary, to correct, to discipline, to
expect effort, and to model resilience. Let’s not lose our homes to
entitlement. Let’s reclaim our rightful role as parents not as tyrants, but as
guides. Let’s raise children who can face life with strength, not ones who
crumble at the first sign of struggle.
Your child will thank you
later, maybe not today, but certainly when life begins to test the values you
instilled in them.
The writer is the
executive director of Hope Regeneration Africa, a parenting coach, marriage
counselor, and founder of the Men of Purpose Mentorship Program.
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