Why Children Hide Their True Feelings From Their Parents
By Dickson Tumuramye
The school holiday is now underway, and some of our candidate children have already returned home, while others will join them soon, whether in primary, high school, or higher institutions of learning. As they grow, children are far more sensitive than we often realize. They think deeply, feel deeply, and observe quietly. Yet many of them rarely speak openly about what is hurting them. They smile, laugh, and play, and they may portray a picture as if everything is moving on well, even when their hearts are troubled.
The
truth is that many children hide their real feelings, not because they want to
deceive their parents, but because they do not know how to communicate their
inner world. The silent world of children may not be easily detected until they
share their story, you take an interest in making observations, or you are keen on any
changes.
I
share with you some of the reasons why our children, regardless of their age and
time, may hide their feelings.
Lack
of Quality Time and Connection
When
parents are always busy, stressed, or distracted, children may feel there is no
safe moment to talk. Emotional openness grows in warm, unhurried spaces, not
rushed evenings or distracted conversations. Without connection, communication
slowly fades, a gap is created, and you may never get time to observe their
feelings.
Fear
of Disappointing Their Parents
One
of the biggest reasons children hide their feelings is fear of letting their
parents down. When a child senses that their parents have high expectations
either academically, spiritually, socially, or psychologically, they may feel
pressure to appear strong even when they are struggling. Some fear being judged
or misunderstood. Others worry that their parents will be angry or disappointed
if they reveal the truth. Some have no option but to keep quiet and move on. Even
at our level, we also get feelings we hide from our own parents.
A
Home Where Emotions Are Not Safe
Children
quickly learn what is welcome and unwelcome in a home. If a child grows up in
an environment where emotions are dismissed, mocked, or punished, they learn to
stay quiet. When parents constantly say, “Stop crying,” “Be strong,” “You are
too emotional,” or “You don’t have problems,” children conclude that expressing
feelings is unsafe. Over time, silence becomes their survival strategy.
Past
Hurt and Trauma
Some
children hide their true feelings because they carry unhealed wounds like
bullying at school, harsh words from a parent, family conflict, loss of a loved
one, or painful experiences they don’t fully understand. Trauma makes a child
withdraw. They fear that talking will reopen the wound, so they protect
themselves by staying silent. As a parent, you will never know certain things
until you are close to your child.
Fear
of Punishment or Harsh Reactions
A
child who has been shouted at, beaten, or blamed for being honest will not feel
free to speak again. Harsh reactions teach children that honesty or talking is
dangerous. Instead of opening up, they choose the safer route—hiding their
emotions and pretending everything is okay. Some parents make reckless
statements, not mindful of how they hurt their people. Others are quick to
punish a child without understanding the problem at hand. But we can change the narrative and be
considerate before reacting negatively.
They
Don’t Have the Language for Big Feelings
Children
often lack the vocabulary to explain complex feelings like anxiety, shame,
confusion, or sadness. So, they express emotions through behaviour, not words.
A child who cannot say, “I’m overwhelmed,” may instead withdraw. A child who
cannot say, “I feel unimportant,” may become defiant. Behaviour becomes their
emotional dictionary.
Trying
to Protect Their Parents
Some
children remain silent because they feel responsible for their parents’
happiness. If they see a parent stressed, hurting, or overwhelmed, they hold
back their own struggles to avoid adding pressure. They hide pain behind smiles
because they fear causing more trouble at home.
What
Parents Can Do
Parents
must become intentional about creating emotionally safe homes. That means
slowing down, listening without judgment, and reassuring children that their
feelings are valid and matter. It means observing non-verbal cues, spending quality time
together, asking gentle questions, and responding with patience rather than
anger. When a child feels seen, understood, and valued, they begin to open up. When
you build relationships and trust together, security is guaranteed, and they
feel safer and thrive.
Be
Emotionally Present
Children
are not hiding because they want distance; they hide because they long for
safety. They long for parents who can read their behaviour, not just their
words. As this holiday continues, let us be more attentive to their emotional
world. A child’s heart is fragile, and it will only open where love, patience,
and understanding are present. Take time to reflect on how you are doing with each
individual child, whether young or an adult.
The
writer is the executive director of Hope Regeneration Africa, a parenting
coach, marriage counselor, and founder of the Men of Purpose Mentorship Program.
tumudickson@gmail.comFollow more articles on:
#Child counseling
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