WHEN I GROW UP

 Prim K. Tumuramye

Growing up, one of my desires was to see myself maturing and getting into the world of independence. The freedom of adulthood looked luringly enticing. If only time would increase its snail-paced movement, I would soon be out of the prison of being a child. Childhood had its joys and pains.  It was always a bitter-sweet pill to swallow. Today you celebrated the joy of having no worries about old peoples’ problems like school fees, complicated relationships turned situationships and tomorrow you were on the receiving end of punishments and reprimands from elders that only seemed to know giving instructions in parables. The African adage that elders are never wrong made the childhood equation even more complex. Rarely would you be extended an opportunity to explain yourself because that was tantamount to looking elders in the mouth.

‘When I grow up, I will sleep and wake up when I want. I will also buy the things I want and eat only that which appeals to my enzymes.’ I always pledged.

In the ignorance of my childhood, I also promised myself to be a fair adult – promising never to participate in unjust practices like spanking a child, forcing them to eat or go to bed when they are not ready. The elders around me all seemed to have gotten the wrong life manual. They did what I thought I would never do if I were to be in their shoes. Imagine, why would one make a fuss about homework, shower time and such other ‘small matters’ of life? I later realized that I was only being who I was then – a child. Time, slow as it seemed surely moved. Months turned into years, the little girl became a teen and before I knew it, I was graduating from college. Suddenly, time started to literally move at lightning speed. The first twenty years had been mostly an uneventful stroll in the walk of life. Everything that needed financial investment needed me to prepare a proposal with due justification and an expectation of answering many whys, with no guarantee that my request would receive a green light. Often, I was reminded that I needed to grow in patience, because the life I wanted to live could only be afforded by me, when time comes. I have not talked about the curfews of when you get in and out of home, who you make your friend, which pass mark is acceptable at home and so many other dos and don’ts.

Here I was, in my early twenties, a degree to my head, a job and freedom. Then didn’t time become elusive! Work deadlines, budgeting for my salary (it was not growing with my age), dreams and aspirations, ministry and pusuit of purpose taught me the real buffet of life. I started to realize that my mother had actually been right – as I waited to grow, I was actually growing up. Life never pauses to wait – the clock keeps ticking. I had lost quite a chunk of time in the waiting lounge, promising to live to my fullest after ‘growing up.’ I looked back and realized that even in childhood, there were many things to enjoy as part of the growing up process. My focus had been on a perfect timing – when I was in full control of self. I realized that it never comes.

At 23 or thereabout, I gave my life a complete turnaround. I learnt to laugh until my ribs hurt. I learnt to love fiercely. I learnt to explore and take risks. I learnt to appreciate that there will never be a time when I will finally arrive at the destination of ‘When I grow up’ for each day, is an opportunity to enjoy part of that journey.  I visited friends, attended parties whose celebrants I had no clue about, apart from them being friends of my friends, I watched movies all night during my off /leave days and made lasting friendships. I hosted folks at my little Buyanja apartment, which my work colleagues had code-named the Command Post.

Today, I add the second year to the forty that I already attained a few Christmases back. I am grateful for life. I am grateful for all the lessons life has taught me. I am glad that I am no longer only waiting to experience life fully when I grow up. I can live a full life, even as I grow up. To those that trod this journey ahead of me, whom I always misconceived as my barriers to full living because of the curfews, systems and controls you put in place so that I would become who I am becoming, I am sorry. When I grew up, I realized that it was all for my good. Now that I am grown up, I can only help those bestowed to me to grow up and fully enjoy every season of their life.

©Prim K. Tumuramye

Prim is a Christian, wife, mother and communications specialist. She is passionate about reading, writing, youth mentorship and intentional parenting.