Don't Delegate Your Parenting Role.

By Dickson Tumuramye

Delegated parenting is a current trend that is slowly increasing in our society especially among the corporate class and busy business parents. It may not come intentional but just know that around 6 out of 10 children in your neighborhood are not necessarily being raised by biological parents.

Some children are being raised by technology and media even when they have parents in the same house staying together. With access to social media and digitalized televisions in our homes, our children are left to be entertained by such devices. Because most mothers are “busy” trying to make ends meet with a lot of demands at home; family upkeep, school fees/tuition, other basic needs, among others, they leave home early to work and come back late. The children are left in the mercies of the house helps or relatives/other caregivers.

You can guest how many nannies have child upbringing skills and can surely help in proper holistic child development. Some of these are people also are desperately looking for survival, running away from their challenges and chances are that they will not provide ample time with your children. As if that is not all, the work load at home and all household chores may be too much they are left with and concentrating on your child may be minimal because you must come and find when everything is perfectly done. They need their jobs and therefore they must balance between child care and house chores.

Every day private kindergartens and day care facilities are on increase taking care of a child as old as one week. Since most of them are profit oriented, the possibility of employing professional caretakers leaves a lot to be desired. I have seen parents who take their children between 3–7 years old to boarding section because they have no time to stay with these children. Prevailing circumstances behind this may be inevitable, I can’t blame them. However, is it the right choice for 3 years old child or one week baby to be in a boarding/kindergarten or completely delegated to secondary parents?

Children who are raised by non-biological parents/guardians will emotionally, psychologically and physically get affected. I did not grow up with my parents for the big part of my life. Trust me, any single irritation would emotionally torture me and I would imagine that may be if this person was my mother/father, she/he would not have done it that way. Such thoughts and imaginations would take much of my time, stress me and emotionally I would get more affected.

Children who feel the way I would feel sometimes develop bad behaviors and anti social tendencies. Others grow up trying to develop survival skills, and therefore this result into defensive mechanism. There is not enough time between a child and a parent; others who have grown up in the hands of stepmothers have run to streets from mistreatment. Sexual abuse in families without biological parents can’t be ruled out. Before, it was rare to hear that a father or an uncle is sleeping with his daughter/niece. Children end up living in a very insecure environment and this affects their self-esteem and confidence creating a hopeless future in a child’s life.

Delegated parenting affects the promoting and supporting of emotional, social, intellectual, physical child development compared with real parents. Time will come when such children will completely fail to bond with their parents because this never happened at its real time. Therefore there cannot be a good relationship between son/daughter and father/mother or even with siblings.

It is important to avoid future circumstances that may lead your child/ren into trouble as a result of poor parenting. Much as hard it may be or the busy you are, endeavor to deliberately create time for your children. Be deliberately available as much as you can than coming late when the child cannot also create time for you. Both of you will be grossly affected and you never reverse the repercussions. Limit the time your child is entertained by media and other technology devices. If your child is in a boarding school, negotiate with the school to allow you either regularly visit him/her or pick the child for a weekend at home.

The writer is a child advocate and a parenting coach based in Kampala.