Foster Love Among Your Children
By Dickson Tumuramye
Having youngsters in the house who all demand
attention and acknowledgement when they have accomplished something is
challenging. Sometimes you get fixed in the sibling rivalry and before you know
it, you are an arbitrator.
It is sometimes not easy for parents to know that
they are promoting sibling competition just because you want all of them to be
active sometimes at the same time. And some comments like “don’t you see that
your brother/sister is better than you?” Why can’t you be like your sister/brother
who always does excellent work?” are part of you. It becomes worse when you
utter negative words like “I doubt if you will make it in life.”
Such words are not only piercing like a
double-edged sword in the mind of your child, they rather destroy the child’s
future dreams, create the rivalry more than the one between Cain and Abel and
the relationship between the “favoured” child(ren) and the “worst” one(s)
almost in everything in your eyes grows sour. If you are not sensitive,
the “worst” one can result into doing things neglectfully because he/she feels
worthless. Some compete greatly to become successful than the “favoured” one to
prove a point.
Encouraging competition among siblings may not be a
bad idea, but the way you handle it matters a lot. Any encouragement between
siblings should be geared towards promoting positive competition or hard
work. It should not be done in a way of looking down on one another. It
should carry the meaning of showing the “weak” child to at least learn from the
brother/sister. Remember, every child wants to be noticed as a special one,
hardworking before parents to attract their attention- the human nature! They
want to also draw special connection with their parents and they will do all
they can to accomplish that.
Others do
things genuinely and frankly, they deserve to be praised or recognised. But you
must also play your game wisely as a parent to make sure that you don’t lose
anyone. If you praise Dickson today, tomorrow let it be John for another
accomplishment. This will help them to know that they are all special in unique
ways. Each will make sure they perform perfectly in their respective capacities
to earn their parents’ favour. As you implement this, you will be able to earn
their attention and develop their self-esteem because they all are special in
the eyes of their parents.
But in case you also realise that there is
unnecessary competition between siblings at any age, sit them down and
encourage the spirit of team work. Let them know that with team work, they can
achieve more than what they can attain individually. The strength of two people
breaks a big bone than that of one person. Help the children to understand the
consequences negative actions like fighting among themselves.
Our role as parents is to foster teamwork, love and
unity among our children, show impartiality, togetherness and work towards
achieving the big goal of the family, which I hope you have made clear to all
of them.
tumudickson@gmail.com
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