Learn your Child and be the Last to Judge Him/her!

 By Dickson Tumuramye

Recently I took my son for P.1 interviews in one of the schools. They were supposed to be done in one hour. After an hour of waiting for the guy to finish and we go back home with results, a teacher came to me only to say "we cannot see your son, he has not started doing his interview." 

The expression on the face was a negative one of “this child is unserious, stubborn.” Immediately had the teacher given him a paper to write and moved out than the guy also moved out to play. Sincerely, I also felt somehow disappointed and a bit furious but had to exercise patience.

When he went back to do his papers, he came to me shortly saying he had finished English paper, and he had done almost 3/4s of the Math paper. He told me "I can't finish the whole paper because I don't know some numbers and pages are many yet I am tired and hungry. I have finished Daddy." Luckily enough, he passed very well. Kids of these days are really bold!

Nevertheless, key lessons learnt are that we must learn and understand our children very well. We must give them an opportunity to express themselves to us freely. If he was able to get an average of 80% in all the papers, then I believe his future is promising. This calls us to encourage our children for greater heights than condemning them for what we may look at as "stubbornness" or "laziness."

Other people may not understand why your child behaves the way he/she does and obviously, they will be quick to judge, comment or say what they think. But the yardstick is that as a parent, you know your child better and you know how you handle him/her. You also know the relationship you have with him/her. 

However, don't allow him/her to stumble others in the process. Paul says "It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything to cause your brother to stumble." (Romans 14:21). Sometimes, we should never allow our children's actions, behavior, name it to stumble others. We should teach them self-control and respect especially when they are in public.

During a discussion with the mother that night, the boy was able to explain clearly how he did 2 papers and passed. He explained how and why he did not do some numbers, the challenges he faced and what he thought the teachers should have done among others. These are some of the things he did not tell me when we were together. Listening carefully to our children's stories will always bring out something you may have never known or expected. This will give you a chance to give guidance where necessary.

There are hidden abilities that our children have but these can only be discovered if you always take time to listen to them, play with them, have fun together, be slow to judge or condemn, take time to learn from him/her. Remember, all children are unique and gifted differently. Take time to learn and understand your own child. Don’t mind what the teachers or other people say about him. Ask yourself, what do I see in my child? Even Christ himself asked his disciples what people say about Him. Then he again paused the same question to them “But who do you (yourselves) say that I am? (Matthew 16:15 Amp). It does not matter what side B people know about you or your child. What is important is for you to believe in your child as you believe in your spouse or yourself.

Even when all arms are u to condemn or judge your child for any reason, it is only you and you who can say “wait a minute”, I know he is like this and that and he is still my child. He/she still your child and you can’t change that. Some of what we see could be the work of the devil trying to disorganize him/her or a generation curse. First, think about how to help your child into better person before judging. What if you were the one judged for any reason, how would like to be treated?

The writer is a child advocate and parenting coach.

tumudickson@gmail.com