The Boy child needs help too

 By Dickson Tumuramye

Men of Purpose mentorship programme during an entrepreneurship conference

When a girl-child is growing, she receives a lot of counseling and guidance from her mother, aunties, elderly women, and peers among others. She well equipped with at least some knowledge of what to expect out of life and how to handle it.  She is at least well prepared at almost every stage of her growth. At the time of marriage, the sengas are always present to advise and help her. The mother is usually in the background or at the forefront monitoring every step.  Fellow ladies are fast to organize a bridal shower for her towards her wedding. And ultimately, she gets fitted out with all the necessary information regarding her life.

From childhood to adulthood, this girl-child is well equipped with life skills and she knows how to ably handle life in all corners. She does not only attain formal education from school, but also informal education from the people in her life.

Whereas all this is done to the girl-child, less or no attention is paid to the boy-child. They usually grow up struggling on their own, becoming hustlers, and trying to figure out how to handle life and its challenges. Because of this, men always find it hard to open up when they are being challenged by life compared to women. They think they must deal with life alone.

Due to societal dynamics these days, the boy-child is becoming more vulnerable because a lot of attention is paid to the girl-child. There are many empowerment programmes geared towards a girl-child than it's for a boy-child. Boys grow up knowing that they are not supposed to cry in public, shouldn’t be emotional but bold enough in society. This means even when they are hard-pressed from all sides of life, they should remember that a ‘man is a man’. This could explain why men are more prone to suicide than women. Research shows that males globally have higher suicide incidences than females. While women more often have suicidal thoughts, men commit suicide more frequently.

Early nurturing

As a dad, attach your boy-child to one of their trusted uncles from childhood to mentor them or do it yourself. From a Christian perspective, every child at the time of baptism has more than one God-parent. Charge them with the responsibility of nurturing and giving support to their boy-child. These boys need to be groomed well with all life/soft skills as we do with livelihood skills.

Parents should not wait for their sons to first grow old and begin to panic, looking for someone to talk to them. This is usually done with some imagination of: “he is now mature enough to understand.” Don’t wait for that time when an event is yet to happen. Prepare your boy-child early enough with age-appropriate information, and when he grows up, he will not depart for the truth.  

I trust we all need people around us to help us walk through this life, especially when we encounter challenges. As aunties and mothers intentionally guide their daughters from childhood to adulthood, even boys need that kind of care from dads and uncles. I started a programme to mentor boys/men at all levels last year. We have also started organizing groom’s showers so that men also join marriage equipped with a clear picture of what marriage and building a home is all about.

It is nearly possible that when men get in marriage, they only depend on premarital counseling from church, yet women have a lot of information on marriage and family from different sources, which is given to them at an early age and throughout their lives. As concerned men, let us make an effort and organize men’s empowerment programmes to help them for marriage or unpredictable life.

Parental responsibility

The primary responsibility of nurturing a child is in the hands of their parents. It is, therefore, the dad’s or mum’s responsibility that their boy child knows which road he should take and at what stage. Parents should direct their children and show them the right path to s great life. There is an advantage that there are some boy empowerment programmes coming up; they should be taken advantage of. These programmes give information to all ages depending on the level of their understanding.

Personally, I am beginning this with my nine and seven year old sons. We talk from their level of understanding and I ensure I give clear information about what they hear or learn

Let us not forget that all children face almost similar life challenges these days; so leaving out boy child creates an imbalance and unfairness on both sides because ultimately, these boys have to interact with girls.  

 The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor.

tumudickson@gmail.com

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Dickson Tumuramye is also a
motivational speaker on:

#Positive parenting

#Marriage and family

#Child counseling 

#Career guidance