MY FATHER’S DAY WISH

 By Prim K. Tumuramye

‘My daddy this, my daddy that”

Growing up I constantly heard children in the neighborhood talk about their fathers. The stories ranged from how daddy bought something for the family to how he seemed not to be in good terms with mother. I would listen in admiration, praying silently that one day God would grant me an opportunity to have a story about daddy. It struck me then that the world is unfair. Why would I be the only child among my friends who seemed to live in a world where there is no father?

Deep within me I knew I wanted to be like the other children on the block. I needed a story about father. Even children from very disadvantaged homes seemed to have a good story about their fathers occasionally. Some fathers in the neighborhood were such a disgrace! From battering their wives in broad daylight to drinking themselves silly, they not only embarrassed themselves but also their next of kin. In times like those, I silently thanked my stars that I was living in a world where there was no father.

‘When is my father ever coming to live with us?’ I one day asked my mother as we had lunch.

This question definitely took her off guard! For the first time in the 14 years of my life, I saw the pain that lay beneath her eyes. She looked straight in my eyes, and true, all I could see was pain.

‘I have done everything within my means to make you happy. If you think having a father will make you happier, so be it. In giving you the best, I knew and understood your pain of not having a father. I have done everything that I could so that you never at anyone time regret not ever having a father.’ mother said to me with tears welling in her eyes.

My heart was pounding very fast. I did not know if I had asked a wrong question. The vivid pain in my mother’s eyes was evidence that I had trodden where even angels fear to tread. I did not need anyone to explain to me in concise terms what mother’s paradoxical response meant. I determined in my heart that if this subject was meant to evoke emotions of pain, I would never raise it again. I chose to see the father in my mother. I will not say that the pain of not having a father flew away.

There are times (countless of them) when I wished I had a father, but he was nowhere. The painful times when I felt as a teenager my mother did not understand me. There were days when I felt that my mother had gone overboard in trying to discipline me. There were the dreadful days when mother lay seemingly lifeless in hospital and I feared what would become of me if she died, being left just alone in the world. It is in those times that I desperately needed a father to come to my rescue.

Growing up mother kept reminding me that I had a father in heaven. Looking back, this father never left me at any one moment. I purposed not to cry over split milk. I was one of those whom fate had decided would live in a world without a father. The word daddy ceased to be part of my vocabulary. To have no story about a father became normal. To know that I had a loving father in heaven gave me a sense of belonging and hope that no earthly father could match up to.

This love relationship with my heavenly father would later help me relate well with the male folk, irrespective of being raised in a broken marriage. I am so glad that after three decades of pain, my own children do not live in the pain of a world without a father. They got a loving father in Tumuramye Dickson and have a story to tell about father. If the heavens asked me to make a wish this Father’s Day, I would ask that the man I found in Dickson can be the father that I grew without and that my children will have a sweet story and fond memories of being fathered by the best.

Happy Father’s Day my love.

©Prim K. Tumuramye

16th June 2016

Prim is a Christian, wife, mother and Communications Specialist at Compassion International. She is passionate about reading, writing, youth mentorship and intentional parenting.