Instill self-esteem and confidence in your child

By Dickson Tumuramye

While growing up, life may not be perfect as we may wish. If it turns pessimistic, you tend to lose heart and almost give up. This affects your self-esteem and confidence. Those who are not ready to face a cow by its horn end up in self-isolation/rejection but this should not be the case. It is even worse with children. This is the reason why instilling self-esteem in them is paramount.  Self-esteem influences our daily lives, affects our relationships, work performance, and mental health. Low self-esteem can instill feelings of despair, shame, humiliation, anger, guilt, and rejection. If your child is struggling with low self-esteem, take time to discover the factors behind it. You can try to improve his/her self-esteem/confidence. Some people still have low self-esteem in their older age because they were affected in their childhood and you could have most likely noticed how it affects every aspect of your life. Raising healthy self-confidence allows you to experience freedom from self-doubt and negative thoughts about yourself or your children.

Use words of affirmation

What a parent tells a child has a big impact on them than what someone else says. Don't neglect the words of affirmation to your children. It may not be their love language, but it assures a child of who they are, their identity, and affirms to them what kind of track in life they are treading. Even God publicly affirmed that Jesus Christ was his son and he was pleased with him. This gave a clear confirmation to Jesus that what he was doing was in line with the mission his Dad sent him to fulfill. It gave him the confidence to speak with authority before whoever wished to challenge him that he was not the son of God. Words of affirmation create a lot of emotional support and assurance for your approval. However, don’t also over-praise your child.

We need also to know what makes it hard for parents to speak positive words of encouragement and affirmation to their children. Some of the common reasons are that some parents don't know that it is important to speak positive words to their children. Others think that the children will become stubborn. Some parents especially fathers are very permissive and neglectful. You are missing to raise confident children in your home because these children don't trust themselves or lack your emotional support.

Focus on the strengths

We all have weaknesses in life but it is important to focus on the strengths of your child when he/she is growing up. This boosts their esteem and builds their confidence. Weaknesses hinder them from self-appreciation and discovery; they fear risks and develop self-rejection. Whether a child has a mental problem or any disability, focus on the positive side of their life and use that to improve their self-worth. Help them to find their weaknesses and work on them but not against them. It doesn’t matter how many times they try things and fail, they will still learn and one day, they will perfect at it.

Making their own choices and pursuing their interests

A child who makes age-appropriate choices feels more powerful and independent. They don’t fear risks even when they batter failures. They want to keep trying and they learn from their own mistakes. Be there to give advice as they pursue their interest as long as they are within reach but don’t be discouraging every time. Also, show interest in what they intend to pursue and stand with them except if it’s leading to a bad track in life.

Encourage them to try new things

You may notice that your child has a problem and fears getting out of his comfort zone. This shouldn’t daunt you. Or you may only be focusing on one thing they excel at. Let your child try as many things as they can because it is good for them to diversity. This exposes them to real-life issues and gives them a chance to explore life choices. Along the way, they will learn to be creative and develop problem-solving skills.

 Ability to face life challenges

Children who are aware of themselves have the capability to face life challenges with confidence and can put in place strategies to overcome them and pursue their dreams in the face of opposition. They will also confide in you in their daily life encounters. There is no fear between you and your child. They are assured of your feedback. They don't care what the results will be but the fact that they have communicated to you makes a difference in their lives.  It helps them grow to appreciate themselves, and appreciate others.

Develops assertiveness

With such an assurance in your child, even when the approval may be negative, the child will perceive it positively because he knows that the father rebukes him/her with love and the child will respond well. It takes away future doubt of someone's identity. The chances are that such a child will not have self-rejection as he/she is growing up. It doesn't only raise a child's self-esteem and confidence, but you are also grooming an assertive child fully aware of his/her rights because he/she believes in him/herself. Think about it. How do you feel when your father/mother tells you, "my son/daughter, I love you and I am very proud of you!"

Self-confidence is a personality trait that can be improved. It is your primary responsibility as a parent to identify certain weaknesses in your child that put them down and help them to improve their self-esteem/confidence. It is never too late and it can be done any time regardless of age. If it is a challenge with you as well, you can still do the same to instill such traits in yourself and live better.

The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder – Men of Purpose mentorship programme

 Email: tumudickson@gmail.com

Tel. contact: +256772851863

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Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:

#Positive parenting

#Marriage and family

#Child counseling 

#Career guidance