Do you know your child’s friend(s)?
By Dickson Tumuramye
In the long run, our children are developing relationships in different ways. We need to appreciate that because we are all social beings. The Bible also recognizes the value of friends “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Prov. 18:24 NKJV). Therefore, to have friends, you must be a person that makes friends. Let us share some tips to know your child's friends.
Ask them about their friends
You should try as much as possible to know your children’s friends whether young or adult. These should be their friends at school, church, workplace, community, social media platforms, etc. This will help you to know their behaviors, interests, and objective for such friendships. In case of anything, you know whom to quickly ask. Your child should not be in a relationship with someone just for the sake of it. As a parent, you should know how it all began. If it is between the boy and girl, get to know what these people do together how it began and the end result of this relationship. Be in the know of all your child’s details as long as you still have a direct influence on him/her.
Allow their friends in your home
Encourage your children to bring their friends home to visit when you are there or try to ever meet them anywhere. You may get a chance to discover something in that person that your child possibly has not yet realized. And here you will be able to give counsel/advice accordingly. If your child is already involved in a relationship, it is your responsibility to be interested in knowing who is dating your child. You need to know the background of this person, education level, religious beliefs, tribe/clan, age, personal beliefs, future plans among others. You also need to know most of the details concerning your in-law to be before you experience cultural/behavior and personal shock. Where necessary visit each other as families and strengthen such relationships.
However, I don’t like parents who refuse children to have friends or marry their best friends from a materialistic perspective. For example, if the two people have the same level of education, why do you tell your son/daughter not to marry his/her because he is from a poor background? Why do you force your child to marry so and so or from that family? Whose interests are you fulfilling in this marriage relationship?
Be a friend on Social media platforms
You may never know what your children are involved in outside your home or what they post on social media like Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, unless you are a friend or you follow their posts. If you are lucky that you are not blocked, please be a friend and keep following what they post there. Comment where you can but also behind the scenes, talk to them on what you feel was not good. It does not matter about the age, guide your children. See what their friends are posting and commenting on their posts. Don’t just fold hands and lament. Be inquisitive but in a positive way that will not depict you as a judge than a friend.
Talk to them on the phone
If you wish to establish a relationship, you also talk to their friends on phone regularly. You initiate a relationship with their parents/siblings and once in a while talk to them on phone too. Keep in touch and know each other. This will strengthen such relationships and remove barriers between the families. These children and the families may fear disappointing each other. This may keep them accountable to one another.
Manage peer pressure
There is peer pressure for some to make friends. Your child may be an introvert and not so good at making friends. But others may put him/her under pressure.
Also, monitor their use of social media. As our children are engaged with social media, this may come with making appointments with friends. It is like without a phone these days whether adults or young people, you are treated as living in another planet world. The peer pressure among adolescents/youths to be online and keep the trend is high than among adults. Don’t be bogged out by your adolescent’s pressure to have a phone and data. If you can’t say No and keep your word, they will always take advantage of you. Encourage “tech-free” days when your child/family turns off all digital media in their access and concentrates on other things – time for everything.
Make an alert of sexual behavior
While you try to know their friends, encourage your children to desist from sex before marriage, especially your daughter. I may seem out of place as I say this but there could be parents here who say I wish my child will never be involved in premarital sex before marriage. Young adults’ involvement in sexual behavior typically occurs within a relationship context. With your guidance, they may exercise self-control. We all know the mistakes and repercussions that come with it.
Please talk to all your children about sexual education. I am sure no one loves to have broken relationships and nursing wounds of sexual relationships that went sour, effects of abortions, denial, name them.
The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor & founder - Men of Purpose mentorship programme.
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:
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#Marriage and family
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