Raising our children in the 21st century

By Dickson Tumuramye

Until the recent past, parenting was not as complicated as it is now in the 21^st century. Before all children were looked at as community children and there was collective responsibility in raising children. Families used to live in extended settings compared to today’s unitary/individualized settings. In some families, parents had time to sit with their children around a table or fire and they would share stories, riddles, songs, etc. This did not only help children to learn how to express themselves but also families would have enough time to be together, discuss family issues and parents would pass on any information that seemed crucial to their children. Where I grew up, we used to share a meal on the same tray or from the same basket (for karo). In so doing, parents were able to identify with their children and establish a relationship together. This is no longer the case today.

Nowadays, there is no longer collective responsibility in child upbringing as a community and the spirit of individualism is on increase. Child rights are also more emphasized than ever before. Disciplining your own child is taken as abuse and punishment. Child abuse and exploitation are also on increase, there is no more trust in people, everyone is a stranger, and there is no more spirit of togetherness as it used to be in the past. Parents are occupied with many things as some seemingly say that they are struggling hard to invest for children. Some parents are busy pursuing education, which is consuming a lot of time and having less for children. Others are into businesses working so hard to make sure children are able to attain good education and better life than they had among others. In doing so, there is very little time to invest in children and build a positive relationship with them. We have absentee parents who literally never have enough time for their children.

A parent leaves home very early in the morning for work and comes back late, very tired, or with more office-related assignments or business work to accomplish from home. The house helps have replaced the parents in raising children and understand much about a child’s welfare than a real parent. TV sets, computers/laptops, and smartphones are also used in some families to keep the children busy and a parent hardly gets time to share stories, have fun, eat together or even pray as a family.  As time goes on, there is no time to bond with your children, and therefore building a relationship with them is next to impossible. Children understand the language of cartoons other than their mother tongues.

Social media is also eating into the family fabric. Children are now more informed and engaged with social media among many electrical gadgets than their parents. Parents too find more time to be on it than having a good time with children. Cyberbullying and sexual harassment are at an increase in our societies. With the advent of the COVID-19 pandemic, children had a lot of time at home with their parents but surprisingly, the rates of teenage pregnancies were very high. What went wrong? Who impregnated these girls who were at home with relatives? Where did we put our African cultures and values?

COVID-19 worsened it as urban children were on online learning via zoom and other platforms which was not the same case with rural children. All are back in school, automatically promoted and we expect the same outcome in the near future. If you don’t have money to expose your children through outings, retreats, and teach them skills, you are not doing a good job. Therefore, you must be well equipped with funds to cater to recreation.

However, not all hope is lost. There are many opportunities that parents can harness to raise their children. It starts with being well-informed and one source is the internet. For example, when children are doing homework and you don’t know the answer, a quick internet search will save you from embarrassment.

This generation is tech-savvy, so as parents, it helps to keep up. There is no way you can separate yourself from learning gadgets and technology and you think you can be wise. Please be up to the game! As a parent, you can expose your children to activities that build their self-confidence and self-esteem.

 The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder – Men of Purpose Mentorship Programme

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Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:

#Positive parenting

#Marriage and family

#Child counseling 

#Career guidance