Don’t fear talking about sexuality with your children
By Dickson Tumuramye
I recently met two mothers narrating a touching story of a 12-year-old
daughter in Primary six who was engaged in lesbianism at school and the mother
was devasted by the news. This girl comes from a strong Christian family. The girl told the mother that she even does it
at home with her young sister. She learned this at school and she was also
training others. It is now not news that our children as young as 10 years old are
being initiated into homosexuality and lesbianism. Some of these cases happen
in schools without the school administration’s knowledge. The parents also
cannot believe their children are involved in any early sexual behaviors.
When you interact with children who are involved in homosexuality and lesbianism, they will tell you that they did not know that it was bad. They were just naïve because they were given incentives that lured them and promised them many other good things if they didn’t tell their parents. As you send your children for holiday coaching, music, and soccer training, these things happen. Some coaches are already practicing these unfortunate acts. They show care to these children and start initiating them slowly. If they are in football training, they are promised that if they become good at homosexuality, they will be connected to big clubs. Because your young boy is passionate about developing his talent as a star in football, they naively accept. They are also given money after the act. They are promised big money when they recruit their friends and they are given tips. At campus, they are given good pocket money, taken out to porsh places, promised jobs, or taking them to USA, the UK, and Canada for big jobs after school. Those in the corporate world are given cars, money, and some good houses and salary if they are good at recruiting others. But they remain at their jobs. These people are working with you, they are in church, and in every society.
We all know that most young children trust their elders, especially
their teachers/trainers and so they believe them 100%. Your child starts to get
lured by empty promises. After all, their parents have never talked
about such issues of sexuality at home. They don’t know the dangers of what
they are involved in. Others have seen their parents change partners at home when
one of the parents is not around and this seems like a trend regardless of
whether it is with a fellow man or woman. Some parents also no longer have the
moral authority to rebuke their children because they are guilty. Some have
been involved with their daughters.
You need to know that most children are threatened by their perpetrators
that if they mention it anywhere, they will kill them. A child suffers from
psychological and physical pain because they fear death. They also have tough
parents and are afraid of being punished if they report. They, therefore, decide to die with shame and pain. This deteriorates
their life well-being and affects their self-esteem, academic performance, and
social interaction because they consider everyone a threat. Unfortunately,
they don’t know how to reveal it to anyone.
Talking about sexuality with your children is not about disclosing anything
only to do with sexual intercourse but the total expression of who they are as a
human being, their femaleness, or their maleness. Sex or sexuality education is
about high-quality teaching and learning about a broad variety of topics
related to sex and sexuality. These include body changes, growth into teenage/adolescence
age, relationships, personal hygiene, reproductive health and rights, life
skills, marriage, etc.
Topics on sexuality should be taught to your children according to
their age and using age-appropriate language. Most parents wait until when
something wrong has happened and that’s when they remember to address the
issue. However, by that time, some parents are already angry and the reaction
is so harsh that it even traumatizes your son or daughter. You are not helping
your child but worsening the situation. Before things get of out hand, use any
available opportunity to talk about different issues. Let your children know
that there are perpetrators these days who are like snares looking forward to
trapping them into evil things.
Always ask them what they experience in their surrounding;
home, community, school, and church. Be inquisitive to know if there are people
who advance sexual requests and how they should handle them. Every child is
vulnerable to these vultures, don’t shy away from alerting your children
regardless of age. The bible says “Be very careful, then, how
you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of
every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore,
do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is (Ephesians 5:15-17).
Anyone can rape or defile your child of any age and most of
them are naïve because they don’t have information about how it starts and they
are not empowered on how to overcome it. Don’t think it is too early to talk
about sexuality to your children. The time is now. Fathers, do not exasperate
your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of
the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, and founder-Men of
Purpose.
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
#Child counseling
#Career guidance
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