Avoid gossiping in the presence of your children

 By Dickson Tumuramye

It is so common to start a conversation about another person in the presence of your children. This can even be a phone rumor/gossip that your children are hearing. It is worse when this is about your spouse or relative.

You go on and undress your partner when children are listening to how your husband/wife has become useless, stupid, irresponsible, how you fight every day, and how he is very mean, among other words. You don’t care that children are paying attention, not bothered about what the information they are consuming and how it affects them. 

Doing it in their hearing about that person they know affects them and creates much bitterness, anger, hatred, and suspicion, and leaves children in jeopardy. You have instilled a spirit of all the above and they live with a different picture of that person, including losing trust in him/her.

Moreover, all you are saying may be hearsay; when the truth is later revealed that it was false, your children will never get to know that. The picture you painted about their dad/mummy, relative, friend, neighbor, the teacher can’t be erased in their mind forever. Children grow up knowing that gossip is part of life. When they have their fellow children anywhere, they will also talk about what happens at home, and how others are bad. The spirit of gossip starts growing. They can also cause confusion, among others. Social media and TV stations have worsened it with gossip programs and adolescents like such programs.

A gossip or rumor can spread like a fire in a forest. It causes harm and can lead to stress, depression, mental challenges, eating disorders, self-rejection, self-confidence, and the worst can be death. We all remember how a young girl from Hoima district committed suicide after a poor performance in PLE; her family scolded her, and she felt everyone would do the same and backbite her, etc. Others can fight or kill others over rumors. It causes revenge and ruins one’s future, reputation, dignity, etc.

Teach your children how they can avoid being part of gossip or rumor. You also need to be an example of preventing gossip at their hearings. Let us respect them and not cause them to be engaged in our wars, of which they are not part. Deal with your issues personally without recruiting your innocent children. However, annoyed you are, take your issues in privacy. You are teaching them manners that you may never reverse. If it involves you, don’t show all your true colors before them, as you know that it grossly affects their mental wellbeing. Whatever makes you unhappy leaves them disturbed and confused.

Encourage them to speak out when they hear things they don’t understand and tell them to stop listening to any nuisance that is not building them. Ask them not to feel discouraged when others spread a rumor about them. As long as they are innocent, they should remain calm and pay less attention to such rumors. Tell them to stop spreading any unverified information they have heard about others, including you, a parent. Teach them about confidentiality.

When it involves revenge against/by your child, don’t just wait for the worst to happen; take immediate action and sort out issues. If it is from school, be inquisitive and guide them accordingly, or report the cause to any school administrator. There may be no smoke without fire. Don’t ignore any threat they tell you about and you take it just as a rumor when it is stressing them and causing anxiety. If they are involved, encourage them to break the silence.

The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder – Men of Purpose mentorship programme

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Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:

#Positive parenting

#Marriage and family

#Child counseling 

#Career guidance