Avoid emotional abuse among your children
By Dickson Tumuramye
Children who are raised in fear of their
abusive parents can never be very free with them. Children can never confide in
them if they had any pressing issue. They hardly appreciate a parent’s
character. They may not even share their feelings with their daddy/mummy so
that s/he can change. We still have parents who are well educated,
professional, and well exposed but still cause emotional abuse to their
children.
We need to understand
that emotional abuse can occur in any family at any time and at any age. Don’t
we still have parents who belittle their children even in front of other people
as being stupid,
incompetent, foolish, and all sorts of abusive words? When children are raised on a diet of abuse, harshness, negative criticism,
mistreatment, and judgment, they may never have any good things to appreciate
about themselves except self-rejection and low self-esteem. They too can be
abusive in a defensive manner. This can occur even in their adulthood because
that is how they were raised and fed.
The emotional abuse may
be invisible, but it leaves deep scars on its victims and this may have a negative
lasting impact on your child. Emotional abuse doesn’t leave a physical mark but
can have long-term negative effects on a child’s social, spiritual, emotional,
cognitive, and mental health and development. Such children find it hard to
express their feelings, and control emotions, and some grow with too much
bitterness. Some may fail to create and maintain friendships while others get
abused so easily in seemingly love relationships with the opposite sex because of
their vulnerability. Others can become manipulative and have a controlling or
possessive attitude.
We need to know that children
who are emotionally abused often get stressed and traumatized and carry this
into adulthood. Many have self-esteem problems and others find it difficult to live
with their parents/guardians. Unfortunately, such abusive parents don’t even
realize that their actions are hurtful and can result in harmful consequences. It’s
good for parents to set strict rules because they fear for their children’s
safety; they don’t think that their children can do it for themselves or even
stay in control or bring about the desired outcome they would love to see.
Therefore, being strict is okay but this should not turn into abuse of our
children.
One important thing I
have learned in this world is to know myself very well, especially my inner
abilities which no one else knows except me. We should try to help our children
recognize self-awareness and self-discovery so that even when they are abused, their
inner man will always speak positive words to them and this boosts their
self-esteem and emotional safety.
As parents, we can
guard our own children against all sorts of abuse. Do not put your children
through the same abuse that you were put through by your parents or anybody
else. This will help us to raise children who are healthy in all life aspects.
Stay calm when you are
angry and avoid exposing your personal weakness to your children. Don’t easily
lose your temper and self-care. They will lose trust and confidence in you.
Don’t use threatening language when resolving conflicts or disciplining
children. Never curse your child because you may not be in charge of their
future. They have a God who has good plans for them, plans to prosper them but
not to harm them yet you may not know that (Jeremiah 29:11). Limit the negative
words you use before your children. They are not necessary.
Love your children
unconditionally regardless of their disappointments and behavior. You are a
mirror to your children. What you invest in them today is what they will
portray tomorrow. Learn to forgive however much you feel you are fed up with
your child. Always use positive and affirmative words. They touch your child’s
inner-spirit. Not all that you do goes unnoticed by your children; one day they
will appreciate your advice and this will leave them to remember how you made
them what they are.
Emotional abuse does
not build your child but destroys their ability to appreciate and value
themselves. But also, others become so resilient and when they thrive, you may never
get a chance to remain in their lives in their old age.
The
writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder –
Men of Purpose Mentorship Programme
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
#Child counseling
#Career
guidance
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