Tame your child’s impulsive behavior
By Dickson Tumuramye
No one has a clear reason as to
why this child acted like that. But what is known is that parenting in the 21st
century is very challenging. The children in this digital era are totally
different from the children in the 20th century. Even parenting
itself is no longer the same. I grew up knowing that I couldn’t just ask
questions anyhow or challenge my parents.
There were a lot of dos and don'ts, which may no
longer apply today. A child can challenge a parent without fear or shame these
days, and it sounds normal. There is a lot of exposure in the media and to what
parents do with their children. Children are more knowledgeable about many
things compared to a decade ago.
Bad behaviour in a child stems from emotional,
biological, or environmental issues in a child’s life. All children are not the
same, but they exhibit bad behaviour from time to time due to the stresses of
daily life. Some children exhibit aggression, defiance, lying, temper tantrums,
disrespect, rudeness, entitlement, disruptive or oppositional behavior, insecurity,
hyperactivity, withdrawal, and restlessness. Study your child over time and get
to understand his/her problem.
Most of the character traits we see in our children
are also acquired from their parents. They learn by imitation. Some parents
support the bad behaviours of their children. The mothers are like 'that’s how
he/she is', while the father may say, don’t beat/discipline "my"
children. I want them to have the best life! This is even true among the
not-so-rich. Parents should mind their language.
Some children act outrageously simply because they need your attention, or they are stressed, angry, tired, hungry, anxious, depressed, or undergoing certain untreated disorders that may need
your attention. Some behaviors, particularly among adolescents, may be the
result of engaging in exploratory risk-taking behaviors during a stage of
self-identity development. They try to test family boundaries and social and
personal boundaries, and they show some signs of rebellion to see what happens.
By the time they are in their 20s, most of them may outgrow that and change
forever and be good at making informed decisions, while others can get worse
and deteriorate.
All cases of bad behavior can be tamed and managed
right away in childhood. There is a saying that you can bend a tree when it is
still young. You don’t have to wait to intervene when the child is grown up.
You may break the hard stick into pieces and lose out completely.
Therefore, set clear rules and expectations as a
parent and family. Let them be well known to everyone, along with the
consequences. Be very consistent in implementation, no matter what and
regardless of the age group. Flexibility is not bad as long as the child
doesn’t become manipulative. Train children to become more aware of their own
anger cues and how to manage emotions.
Parenting needs a lot of patience and
understanding, as well as a lot of wisdom. You may need to stay calm in certain
circumstances and handle situations as they arise with a positive mind. Be a
friend to your child. Think about the right time to talk to your child. If
everything is too much for you, remember that God gave you those children
(Psalm 127:3). Commit them to Him daily, and He will always be on your side.
You don’t need to embarrass a child struggling with some disorder. You add an
injury to a wound.
Don’t suffer alone. Seek help from others. Couples
shouldn’t neglect the responsibility of addressing bad behavior in one person.
Do it jointly and speak the same language, and have a similar stand. Don’t show
sides or favoritism. If your child begins to exhibit such behavior, do not
dismiss it or even encourage it.
Be ready to discipline your child(ren) no matter
what. The Bible says that "No discipline is enjoyable while it is
happening—it is painful! But afterward, there will be a quiet harvest of right
living for those who are trained in this way (Hebrews 12:11). It adds that therefore strengthen your feeble arms and knees (V12). You spare the rod and
spoil the children (Prov.13:24). Parenting is not for the fainthearted, but
for strong, calm, and persistent parents until we see the desired
outcomes for each child!
The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach,
marriage counselor, and founder – Men of Purpose Mentorship Program.
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
#Child counseling
#Career guidance
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