Make sure you build a healthy relationship with your children
By Dickson Tumuramye
In some families, parents had time to sit
with their children at a round table or fireplace, and they would share
stories, riddles, songs, etc. This not only helped children to learn how to
express themselves, but also meant families would have enough time to be
together and discuss family issues, and parents would pass on any information
that seemed crucial to their children.
In doing so, parents were able to identify with their children and
establish a relationship with them.
Nowadays, the process of raising children is completely
changing. A lot is happening in families as parenting is being substituted with
other things. Parents are so busy with many things, as some seemingly say, that
they are struggling hard to invest in their children.
Some parents are busy pursuing education, which is
consuming a lot of time and leaving less for their children. Others
are into businesses or formal jobs, working so hard to make sure children are
able to attend the best schools for quality education and live a better life,
among others.
In
doing so, there is very little time to invest in children and build a positive
relationship with them. We have absentee parents who literally never have
enough time to bond with their children.
A
parent leaves home very early in the morning for work and comes back late, very
weary or with more office-related or business assignments to accomplish from
home. The house helpers have replaced them with their parenting role and
understand much more about their children’s welfare and needs than real
parents.
Some families also use TV sets, computers/laptops, and
smartphones to keep the children busy, and the parents hardly get time to share
stories, have fun, eat together, or even pray with them as a family. But again,
when the busy parents get home, they want to catch up, and they get busy
whatsapping, making calls, and watching TV, and hardly have time to know how
their children are coping when they are off.
As time goes on, there is no time to bond with your children,
and therefore, building a relationship with them is next to impossible.
But
it is never too late if you still have young children or if your children are
not yet spoiled. You can still make it and build a strong positive relationship
with them that will make your children proud of you for life.
According
to Gail and Strain of the Center on Evidence-Based Practices for Early
Learning, “adults need to invest time and attention with children as a
precedent to the optimum use of sound behavior change strategies.” Children
need our time and our availability more than anything else. They may speak
different love languages, but the time factor is vital for all.
Knowing
that you value their ideas, you are supportive, you listen to them, and that
you play with them helps to create a heart-to-heart relationship. It’s
important to always do family projects/business together, attend functions,
watch TV, go to church, have an outing/family retreat together, pray together,
share the fun in the car together when traveling, share with them your life
stories, plan family matters together, eat with them, read story books for
toddlers, give a call regularly among others and you will see how easy it is to
be in your child’s life.
Remember, children imitate their parents and love to be
like them in doing good things. The process of building a positive relationship
with your child and connecting together starts right away from the time the
mother is pregnant. Therefore, never wait for a born baby to start the process.
It is your responsibility to initiate and develop a positive relationship with
them.
Build a strong connection with words such as “I love you”
frequently, even on a phone call. Tell them how they are smart, intelligent,
beautiful, handsome, loving, and respectful. Hug them, give them pecks, have
regular one-on-one conversations, understand each child as an individual, meet
their needs, speak politely to them, don’t exasperate them, give them an
opportunity to make their own choices and face consequences, allow them to ask
you questions or express their feelings freely.
Show them empathy and be emotionally touched by their
challenges. Listen to them all the time and advise accordingly. Also, show
respect and trust; these are good for positive parenting.
The
writer is a Child
advocate, parenting coach, marriage counsellor, and founder-Men of
Purpose.
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#email: tumudickson@gmail.com
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a
motivational speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
#Child counseling
#Career guidance
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