Develop active listening skills in your children
By Dickson
Tumuramye
Practice active
listening when you are talking with your child. This calls for patience,
especially among the very young ones who don’t yet know how to effectively
communicate well. Active listening should be focused, intentional, voluntary,
and non-judgmental.
Pay attention to your
child’s non-verbal communication and body language. The expression you see may
speak louder than mere words. A child may be speaking and shaking, and you can
really see that there is something fishy going on. But if you only focus on
words, you may miss that. Therefore, you need to be attuned to feelings and
expressions and monitor every reaction attentively.
Both of you should
keep close eye-to-eye contact when you are in a conversation. They need to feel
that they are not talking alone. You need to avoid distractions that may steal
your attention and focus. The child should also do the same. Teenagers don’t
take it seriously to keep eye-to-eye contact while talking to parents or
elders. This is where you need to emphasize that a child has to be looking at
you. Don’t allow talking to your child when you are only seeing the back and
not the face.
When a child is
talking to you, please provide feedback and show that you are together. This
shows that you are following what they are saying. Sometimes it may not make
sense to you, but be patient. After all, this is your own child.
Part of children’s
listening involves following instructions given. If a child has a problem with
adhering to instructions, don’t take him/her for granted as stubborn or
undisciplined. It may be that this child did not get the message clearly. You
may need to repeat instructions or your communication. If you are sure s/he
listened and understood but no action was taken to meet your expectations, then
you need to act and find out if the spirit of disobedience is affecting this
child.
There are some
parents who don’t respect their children and want to interrupt even when the
child is still explaining something. This may scare them from continuing with
the discussion. Therefore, avoiding interruptions and only waiting to clarify
something when the other is done talking is a great deal.
When you are in a
conversation with your child (ren), at least there should be non-verbal signs
like head nods, smiles, good posture, and other verbal signals like repeating
what the speaker said, asking questions both open-ended and close-ended,
seeking clarity and paraphrasing, summarizing, affirmations like "I
see", "I know", "great my dear", "thank you or
welcome" etc. and make it more reflective while interacting. This is how
you can check that both of you are on the same page if some of these techniques
are part of your discussion. Some of these skills are also vital for phone
calls, emails, short messages, and video conferencing.
There are times when
I am talking to my children and their focus is on TV or elsewhere. When you ask
them to repeat what you said, they fumble, and parents can also blunder if they
are not very attentive to their children. Our children these days will not
hesitate to say, "Dad/mum, did you really hear what I said or you were
absentminded?"
Such skills will make
your children great speakers, they learn respect, and patience, keep focused in
any conversation, get a better understanding, and develop effective
communication skills. Your children will always enjoy the interactions
with others and discover their interests and abilities.
The writer is
a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder – Men of
Purpose mentorship program.
Follow more articles on:
#facebook/Dickson Tumuramye
#twitter @Tumudick
#email: tumudickson@gmail.com
#tel: 0772851863/0702851863
-------------------------------------
Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
#Child counseling
#Career guidance
Comments
Post a Comment