Speak about marriage with your children
By Dickson Tumuramye
Some young people have never heard their parents discuss sex education with them. Young ladies may be fortunate to hear from their mothers about how to protect themselves from early pregnancies. Much of this advice comes as threats like, "If you dare get pregnant... you will see me..." The girl is not well taught about the consequences of getting involved in love relationships at a young age. There is never good guidance on what to do. Even some mothers don’t know how to talk to their daughters about how menstruation happens, what to do when periods come, and at what age they can happen.
The time comes when your daughter is ready to engage in a relationship either by choice or circumstances around her. She is already engaged before she realizes it. By the time she understands it, she has already accepted the marriage proposal, and the parents are nowhere in the picture. If the mother is fortunate enough to be informed and kept up to date, the father is kept in the dark until the time comes for the father to be introduced. At this time, the Dad may try to find out who the gentleman is and where he is from, but he may never change anything even if he felt so.
The rate of separation and divorce among young couples these days is so high that it should not leave you in your comfort zone as a parent. It is time now to realize that our children need our good guidance in every aspect of their lives. We must address not only their physical and spiritual needs but also their emotional ones. This happens on a daily basis, depending on how you interact with your son or daughter and the kinds of discussions you engage in. I implore you to make it a routine to talk about life encounters and accomplishments and have an opportunity to speak about love and marriage.
Please endeavour to always share your courtship story and marriage journey with your children. Before they get inspired by other people’s stories, let them understand how their parents got started and what their successes and failures were. Be a good role model so that they may proudly take notes from you.
Tell them about their choices and the consequences of the decisions they make. Take them through how to go about a successful courtship and marriage, the right time to marry, and what it takes. Encourage your sons to consult you when they are searching, about how to approach and propose to a lady. Tell daughters what happens when a man approaches them, how to tell if this man is committed or is after something, what they need to consider in courtship, and when they are getting ready for marriage.
Teach them how marriage is handled, what they should expect, and how best they can handle such issues. Talk about small things that bring tension into marriages, and they can be avoided. Tell them how to identify marriage killers and overcome them within their means before they escalate. When the time for the wedding is ready, tell them about marriage vows and their significance in marriage. You can also ask your child and his or her fiance if they are completely ready for each other and understand what it means to commit to a lifelong marriage. Don’t be shy about monitoring their behavior without dictating their way of life. Respect their space under your guidance.
Read scriptures for your children about dating and marriage. Let them know that marriage is God’s plan. The benefit is that he/she who finds a spouse obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:24), and such spouses are from the Lord at a right time (Proverbs 19:14). Understand that marriage is between a man and a woman, not the same sex (Genesis 2:23, Mark 10:6), and that righteousness and wickedness have nothing in common, and light and darkness cannot be yoked together (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Encourage them to always ask you anything about relationships or any other life issues. They should not have a phobia of marriage or be excited about it without a good road map for their marriage journey. Ask your adult sons about plans they have for marriage and how they plan to take care of their families. Wedding time should not come as an emergency for them. They need to know that it should be well planned over time. Let them learn about how to balance work and family life without compromising anything. Groom your children into better marriage partners.
The writer is a child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counsellor, and founder – Men of Purpose mentorship program.
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a motivational speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
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