By Dickson Tumuramye
Many times, I take my children to a clinic, and I
usually encourage them to explain their
pain
to a medical doctor/officer and not me. I do this because I
know
I will tell a doctor what they already told me, which is already a
reported speech.
I am sure they can give the
same information to the doctor and exactly touch where they feel the pain, as
the doctor can observe their gestures and any other non-verbal expression as
well as interpret
their feelings.
Sometimes they feel I
should speak on their behalf.
However, I insist that they are the ones sick and know where it
hurts most better than I do. Yes, I will also add my voice to what they tell
the doctor, where necessary, after expressing themselves. I have found
it helpful over time. In
addition, after the doctor has diagnosed and prescribed medications, and
whoever offers a service, I make sure we don't leave without expressing their
appreciation. They must know that every service deserves
appreciation. This is also a sign of humility. It encourages effective
communication skills. You are also promoting their assertiveness.
Self-expression is
articulating one’s feelings and thoughts through words or actions, and is
intended for you to be
heard or understood. A child is given the choice of expressing himself/herself
and conveying his authentic inner self. You are
trying to bring out your child’s individuality. It is not only a problem among the
young; even adults can fail to express themselves. I have seen many
who become so nervous that they can’t make a point in public, however bright
they may be.
Give children the
chance to
choose the words they want
to use and
express themselves. Do
not limit what they say unless you believe what they say makes no sense.
Encourage a child to express his/her feelings without fear or shame as long as
it can communicate the reality of what is exactly
happening in his/her life. You know some children can fake their
feelings.
Encourage
self-expression activities at home. As a parent, you know your child(ren) very
well. You can tell each one’s strengths and weaknesses. You very well know who has a problem when articulating their issues.
Young children can use drawings, painting, and coloring to express their
emotions or speak their minds. You can use games and role plays to help them bring out their feelings. Promote poetry or
creative writing among
children. You can start speaking competitions to ensure the shy and introverted
ones talk. Along the way, they learn to overcome nervousness when
asked to talk. Their
self-confidence and logical reasoning can be enhanced through expression
activities.
I usually tell my
children that when they are in front of others and
feel nervous, they can breathe in and out in a way people may not observe, keep face-to-face eye contact with
their congregation, speak loudly, etc. I sometimes tell them that when they
feel they have made a mistake,
this should not stop them from delivering the message. Sometimes the public may
not even know
it was a mistake. Therefore, they can creatively see how to move on
without letting
anyone know there was an error.
With such in their mind,
you are sure they can speak in public anytime, be coherent and consistent in
their expression, explicitly communicate their
feelings, or make a speech and drive their point home. When you take them to
school, don’t be quick
to speak on their behalf. The teacher should ask questions and
they should answer.
Give room for
children to express
their emotions. Even when you are not comfortable with what someone tells
you, appreciate the fact that someone dares
to inform you about something.
This should make you the suitable
person to give appropriate feedback that maintains
the relationship between the two of you.
The writer is a
child advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder –
Men of Purpose mentorship programme.
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#email: tumudickson@gmail.com
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a passionate speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
#Child counseling
#Career guidance
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