By Dickson Tumuramye
It doesn't matter how
old your child is, he/she needs your attention. Attending to an individual child
is when
you exclusively decide to deal with each
child independently
for
a given period. This relationship between individual children can be
established at any level. However, the
best
time is when the child is still young
and
available to
you. You can bend a tree in any direction when it
is
young.
This enables you to understand
that child better.
The child too gets an opportunity to understand you and
give you his/her worldview every time you meet. It creates space
for a child to express his/her emotions more deeply and freely than if it was
in a group of siblings. It helps address individual child needs. You can
discover unique insights the child has about himself/herself
or you.
This child who enjoys
being
with Daddy/Mummy
regularly bonds with you. This bonding can help you
to get deeper into each other's lives. Some parents or children have gotten prayer or accountability
partners in such relationships. Children can walk their journey with your
approval or knowledge. Some
open up to you as they grow up. In
such relationships, some parents have also become vulnerable to their children,
particularly in old age.
The children find great friendship in you more
than the world can offer. Therefore, it's imperative
as parents to value such moments in ensuring that in
your calendar, each child has time to be with Daddy/Mummy. If you
are the kind of parent who
favors one child over another, they will tell you in such a one-to-one
connection. This may not be apparent
if you take them as
a whole. A
child who feels dejected, and segregated, can have their biases addressed.
Some children by the way have
very complicated personalities that even if you do your best,
they may never appreciate. It's
still better to do your part and you'll never blame yourself in any situation.
Quality time for each child
raises their self-esteem and self-confidence because they understand your
position in their lives. There are special words you will find yourself
speaking in that child's life.
These words may not be easy
to convey
when you are always together as a family. In
such individual attention moments, never miss the opportunity to pray with your
child. You are the first
priest in that child's life and the number one prophet.
Declare and decree a thing and it shall be established (Job 22:28).
Do you know that there are parents who never get time to speak to
their children one-on-one in their lives? The only opportunity that avails itself is when he/she is giving
counsel. Sometimes, when you begin a discussion, the child already has an end
in mind. And if,
by chance, this child is stubborn,
he/she may not pay adequate attention to your words because he/she is inherently
biased in your communication. The child is like I already knew what this person
would tell me. And you too may indeed never speak in a
friendly manner because you are trying
to appear
like a "third party" in your child's life. Thus, regular
engagements between you may yield better results than those that are
not planned, but occur whenever chance arises.
If you are a very busy parent
and creating time is a challenge, plan with your child and agree to
include the changes
that may happen. But
once it's time, make
the most of it. Also, be intentional to see that
such time occurs.
Where possible have a schedule for each child and follow
it. Don't put other engagements. If it's inevitable,
reschedule but maintain consistency.
Such engagements should be
done differently and in different places with different planned activities. The
planning could be done jointly or you can surprise this person once in a while.
They don't need to hang
out in very expensive places or it may not necessarily be about eating. It
could be a walk-talk moment, it could be a drive together time to somewhere, it
may be a sit-down discussion, it may come when only the two of you are cooking
together while having your time, you may choose to visit a certain place,
friend or relative, it may involve going out to meet with other people that are
his/her peers for a planned activity and you still ensure that the purpose of
individual attention is covered.
As you move,
you start a conversation from there and
get to why you did it that way and the anticipated outcomes. Life
can be enjoyed in so many ways depending on your creativity and
worldview. This should be part of your individual child mentorship and
can include
various activities to empower your child. It could even be their choice of that
event or activity and still, you will have created
that opportunity of meeting individual child needs raised from that individual
child's relationship with you.
It may even be a prayer
meeting for only
the two of you. Keep
in mind that this is something you intend to make a lifestyle out of.
The time will come when these children will not be available when
you need them. At some point, they will be at school, and later they
will be at work far from you. You are also aging and the time you
had at some point isn't like now or they are married and are
also doing the same to their family. It's when you still have
this chance that you should maximize it. In your empty nest, you will be
remembered so fondly. It may not be a physical engagement with you
at that time because of so many reasons
but a regular phone call or other possible ways of checking on
you will be available.
What you started
doing in your individual child's life during those
years will pay you tomorrow for
each child in a different way. As
you know, you reap what you sow (Galatians 6:7-9). There can never be any labor in vain according to God's
word (1
Corinthians 15:58). Time will pay off and the measure you used
might be the same measure you will receive, shaken together and overflowing
(Luke 6:38). So start this habit now and never neglect
meeting together. Practice it, and ensure your availability and
consistency.
Provide quality time and a
conducive atmosphere for the two of you to fulfill its purpose.
The rest will
follow as you both grow closer. If things don't work out the way
you expected, put it before God the author and finisher of everything. Ask Him
to direct your steps, seek His counsel and try to fit into your child's life.
The writer is a child
advocate, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder - Men of Purpose Mentorship
Programme
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a passionate speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
#Child counseling
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