Your sons/daughters-in-law are also your children

By Dickson Tumuramye

Several times, I have realized family heads introduce their children at functions or to friends. At functions, they invite their biological children but some parents don’t introduce the married children with their spouses. Sons-in-law and daughters-in-law are introduced separately. However, during parties like introductions, giveaways, and weddings, the bride or groom requests the parents to receive this partner as their own child and parents affirmatively respond in agreement. Such children therefore now become an integral part of the familial unit.

When entering into a marriage, it is crucial to acknowledge that the relationship extends beyond the couple. The in-laws, once children of another family, now become part of your own family. This shift in dynamics means that they are now considered your children as well. It is imperative to recognize and embrace this new familial bond with utmost respect and understanding.

Again some parents, despite their deep love for their grandchildren, view the in-law, the parent of these grandchildren, as a third party. They shower the grandchildren with affection and care but fail to acknowledge that they did not come into existence out of thin air.

Some parents may need to change their attitude towards their in-laws. Treat them all as your own children. As you prepare to welcome this child into your family, be prepared to accept them unconditionally. Aim at providing them with the best because the retaliation will be on your own child, his/her partner.

Marriages are failing frequently in the contemporary era, resulting in a significant rise in divorce and separation. This unfortunate trend can be attributed, at least in part, to the lack of a harmonious relationship between parents-in-law and their children. To rectify this situation, it is imperative that parents-in-law establish a strong bond with their children.

The daughter/son-in-law becomes an extension of the new family as they become family members for life. By embracing them as their own, parents can foster a sense of belonging, unity, and support within the family unit. This inclusive mindset promotes stronger relationships, open communication, and deeper understanding between all family members. Additionally, treating in-laws as children encourages mutual respect, love, and care, creating a harmonious and nurturing environment for everyone involved. Ultimately, recognizing and embracing the daughters/sons-in-law as their own children strengthens the bond and promotes a sense of togetherness that benefits the entire family.

You can create a strong family identity by involving every in-law in every activity the family does. This helps them appreciate that they are indeed children like others in that home. At least a family with a WhatsApp platform should not exclude daughters-in-law. These can influence family decisions easily when their husbands are not quick to act in the interest of the large family.

Some in-laws may not even understand the family's vision and identity clearly. It is your responsibility to ensure everyone is on board. You can organize regular meetings with your in-laws, have discussions, and listen to each other. The time your son or daughter brings this person home to officially introduce her/him, share your family’s values, beliefs, and what you would expect when this person finally is in your family. However, respect the boundaries so that you don’t exert a lot of influence on the in-laws.

You don’t have to wait for the introduction or wedding and you mention important things about your family and what you would expect in him/her. Inculcate the culture as early as when you get to know that this is now becoming your child’s partner. The parental role therefore should start the time you get to know each other in that capacity of in-laws.

Strive to create a strong relationship with your in-laws and foster a family bond that will last forever for all your children. Accept cultural differences and try to teach your in-laws about your culture and what you would wish them to adopt. It is not that this person may afford to take up everything, but there are very crucial ones that you feel should be known. Nevertheless, you should also be able to accept certain aspects of their culture and you both see what works best for you all. All this may minimize marital challenges and reduce the tensions we see these days affecting many young families.

The writer is the Executive Director of Hope Regeneration Africa, Parenting Coach, Marriage Counselor, and founder – Men of Purpose Mentorship Program

 Follow more articles on:

#facebook/Dickson Tumuramye

#twitter @Tumudick

#email: tumudickson@gmail.com

#tel: 0772851863/0702851863

-------------------------------------

Dickson Tumuramye is also a passionate speaker on:

#Positive parenting

#Marriage and family

#Child counseling