Absent fathers should be brave enough to take responsibility for their children
By Dickson Tumuramye
Absent
fathers are those that much as they under the same roof as their children, they
are not so concerned about how their children are. Some may provide all basic
needs but never have time to interact with their children. Others stopped at
either the time they impregnated the mothers or at birth or along the way to be
active in their children’s lives. You know better how much you are active daily
in your children’s lives or when you last interacted with them including their
mother.
The absent
fathers often face criticism and judgment from mothers, children, and society. Whatever
reasons that forced you to be very absent, it is important to remember certain
key points concerning your child(ren).
Craving
for fatherly love, care and support
The absentee
fathers should always remember that their children need them. Regardless of the
circumstances that led to their absence, children crave the love, support, and
guidance of their fathers. As a father, it is crucial to recognize the impact
that your presence (or lack thereof) has on your children's emotional and
psychological well-being.
Rebuild a firm relationship with your children
It does not
matter the reasons you separated especially with their mother or made you
inactive in their lives, it is never too late to make amends and rebuild
relationships with the children. While the damage caused by your absence may be
significant, taking the initiative to reconnect with your children and actively
participate in their lives can make a world of difference. It is never too late
to show your children that you care and are committed to being there for them.
Parenting
is a daily journey
Absentee
fathers should remember that being a parent is a lifelong commitment. Even if
they were not actively involved in their children's lives in the past, it is
never too late to step up and fulfill their responsibilities as parents.
Children need consistency, stability, and a sense of security, all of which can
be provided by an involved and supportive father figure daily.
Prioritize
your children
As the
saying goes “Blood is thicker than water”, these children carry your DNA and
whether you neglect them or not, that will never change. Absentee fathers
should remember that their children are their priority and that their presence
in their lives is invaluable. Your regular presence in their lives is greater
than the presents you like to provide to them once in a while. That does not
add up at all to them than seeing your face, playing with you, feeling that
yes, daddy is always here with us or checks on us regularly.
Effective
communication
It may be
hard for you to get close to the mother due to various reasons. For example,
you may have separated or divorced the mother, or each is married to a
different person now. This should not stop you from meeting with your
child(ren). As a parent to this child(ren), make it possible to always meet the
child. The mother and the stepfather if in existence should never deny a child
an interaction with her/his father. As a father, you can also use other
channels of communication to keep in touch with your children and always have
one-on-one conversations either on the phone, physically, or by social media
which has enhanced communication. When the child is talking to you, please
listen and pay attention and always understand each other. Ensure there is no
communication gap. Make an initiative to talk to them regularly.
Make
appointments
Where it is
not in your means to regularly stay with the child(ren), don’t stop meeting
your responsibilities as a father to check on them. Make an appointment to meet
and share. Some parents never want their partners to know that they have a
child elsewhere. You can agree with the mother that you will be meeting the
child every holiday, weekend, once a month, etc. If a child is old enough, you can
also directly deal with him/her. Develop a schedule with either the child or the
mother and agree on when and where to meet. But keep the interactions regular
and keep in your child’s life. Let the child feel your father figure in his/her
life. You can also plan for outings, dates, and travels among others so long as
you are in close touch.
Know
your role as a father
By all
means, you are the father of this child. Whether you stay together or not, it
is your primary responsibility and role to provide for this child in all
aspects, not just only basic needs. Meet the social, emotional, physical,
spiritual, medical, security, and economic needs of your child. Let your child
be assured of all these and they should be very regular. Visit them at school
and get involved in all they do. Attend their church presentations and other
crucial activities they are involved in when you are informed. I promise you,
your child will not miss you if you fulfill all this.
In all, by
recognizing the importance of their role as fathers, taking the necessary steps
to reconnect with their children, and committing to being actively involved in
their upbringing, absentee fathers can make a positive impact on their
children's lives and foster strong, healthy relationships. It is never too late
to be the father that your children need and deserve.
The
writer is the Executive Director of Hope Regeneration Africa, Parenting Coach,
Marriage Counselor, and Founder – Men of Purpose Mentorship Program
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Dickson Tumuramye is also a passionate speaker on:
#Positive parenting
#Marriage and family
#Child counseling
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