How Domestic Violence Affects Your Children
By Dickson Tumuramye
Domestic violence manifests in various forms; physical, social, sexual,
emotional, spiritual, and financial, cutting across all demographics regardless
of age, status, education level, race, or ethnicity. It often occurs within
intimate relationships such as couples, family members, or between boyfriends
and girlfriends, wreaking havoc on marriages and destabilizing families.
Emotional and Psychological Impact
Children exposed to
domestic violence experience a range of emotional and psychological traumas.
Witnessing intense conflicts between their parents instills fear, anxiety,
distress, and post-traumatic disorder (PTSD). They live in constant worry and
uncertainty about their future, which profoundly affects their emotional and
psychological well-being. The adage "when two elephants fight, the grass
suffers" rings true as children bear witness to the turmoil between their
parents which contributes to mental health challenges in homes and the country
at large.
Developmental Challenges
No child would ever desire to see
his/her parents physically fighting each other. Children may lose
respect for the aggressor and develop sympathy for the victim, often their
mother. This can lead them to take sides, sometimes actively intervening to
protect their mothers or retaliating against the abuser. In extreme cases, children can connive with their
mothers to either revenge on their fathers and others have killed their fathers
thus perpetuating a cycle of abuse.
Physical violence
leaves lasting scars, both physical and emotional. Children may bear physical
injuries if they intervene in fights, which can lead to resentment, hatred, and
self-harm. Such traumatic experiences also impact their self-esteem, making
them vulnerable to further abuse or withdrawal from activities they once
enjoyed. This in the
end affects them emotionally and can hinder their proper holistic child
development.
Social and
Behavioral Consequences
The social repercussions are profound as well. Children may isolate
themselves due to shame or fear of ridicule from peers. This isolation hinders
their ability to develop meaningful relationships and can impair their social
skills, affecting their overall mental health and well-being. Some children,
unable to cope with the toxic environment at home, may even run away, seeking
refuge on the streets where they are exposed to additional risks and dangers.
Long-Term Effects and Academic Performance
Cognitively, children who witness domestic violence struggle to
concentrate in school or engage in academic activities. This can lead to poor
academic performance, potentially impacting their future success and perpetuating
a cycle of disadvantage.
Increasing the Cycle
It is crucial to recognize that children who grow up in environments
marred by domestic violence are at risk of perpetuating this cycle into
adulthood. Without intervention and support, they may come to see violence as a
normal part of life, perpetuating harmful behaviors in their own relationships.
Children learn a lot from their parents and such acquired behaviours can
manifest in their adulthood and may be more violent than their parents.
Family Breakdown
Families that have had severe domestic violence stand a high chance of
family breakdown through separations and divorce leaving children to grow up with
single parents or sometimes in child-headed homes in case parents' issues are
irreconcilable, parents remarrying, or in the event of parent’s death. These
negative outcomes are immersive including school dropouts, early pregnancies, early
marriages, theft, and other life complexities.
Conclusion
The impact of domestic violence on children is profound and multifaceted,
affecting their emotional, psychological, social, and cognitive development. As
a society, we must work together to protect children from such trauma and
provide them with the support they need to heal and thrive. Addressing domestic
violence requires collective action—educational programs, legal protections,
counseling services, and community support to break the cycle of abuse and
ensure a safe environment for all children.
Let us honor the memory of Rebecca Cheptegai and others affected by
domestic violence by advocating for change and standing up against violence in
all its forms let parents shield their children from their conflicts.
The
writer is the executive director of Hope Regeneration Africa, parenting coach,
marriage counselor, and founder of Men of Purpose mentorship program
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