Overpraising a child can be a silent killer

 By Dickson Tumuramye

Parenting is an intricate dance of nurturing, guiding, and supporting our children through their journey of growth. One of the aspects that often gets overlooked is the manner in which we praise our children, particularly before their siblings or in public settings. While praise is typically seen as positive reinforcement, its execution can sometimes have unintended consequences, especially when it comes to children who may not excel academically or in other areas traditionally valued by society.

Praise and Its Effects

As parents, we naturally feel compelled to celebrate our children's victories, whether it's a marked improvement in grades, a stellar performance in a competition, or simply demonstrating a newfound skill. This act of praise serves not only as acknowledgment but also as motivation for our children to continue striving for excellence. However, the danger lies in how this praise is distributed among our children.

Consider a scenario where a child consistently performs averagely in academics. Despite putting in effort and making progress, their achievements may pale in comparison to a classmate who excels or to siblings who consistently receive accolades. When a parent showers praise on the high achievers but remains silent or less effusive towards the average performer, it sends a subtle but powerful message. This discrepancy in attention can sow seeds of resentment or self-doubt, eroding their confidence and enthusiasm for learning.

Emotional Impact on Children

Children who are not prominently praised may internalize feelings of inadequacy or undesirability. This is particularly true for introverted children who may not express their hurt outwardly but carry emotional burdens silently. The perception that their efforts go unnoticed or are undervalued can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth. Over time, this emotional strain can manifest in various ways, potentially impacting their academic motivation and overall happiness.

Each Child's Unique Journey

Every child possesses unique strengths and challenges. It's crucial for parents to recognize and celebrate these individual qualities without making comparisons or biased judgments. A child's worth should not be solely tied to their academic or extracurricular achievements. By fostering an environment where all efforts are acknowledged and appreciated, parents can instill a sense of intrinsic motivation and resilience in their children.

Constructive Communication

Instead of defaulting to praise or criticism based on visible outcomes, parents should engage in meaningful dialogue with their children. Understanding the circumstances behind their performance, offering constructive feedback, and expressing genuine interest in their experiences are pivotal. This approach not only builds trust but also encourages open communication where children feel valued and understood.

Parental Guidance and Support

Beyond praise, effective parenting involves consistent guidance and emotional support. This means actively participating in their academic journey, discussing challenges and setbacks, and celebrating incremental improvements. It's about being present as a supportive figure who nurtures self-confidence, resilience, and a healthy sense of self-esteem.

Balanced Approach

While praise is a powerful tool in shaping children's behaviors and attitudes, its application requires sensitivity and balance. As parents, we must strive to uplift and encourage all our children, irrespective of their achievements or setbacks. By fostering an environment where every effort is acknowledged and every challenge is met with empathy and guidance, we can nurture emotionally resilient children who thrive academically and personally.

This holiday season, let us reflect on our roles as parents and commit to being the steadfast supporters our children need. Through thoughtful praise, constructive dialogue, and unwavering support, we can empower our children to navigate challenges with confidence and embrace their unique potential. After all, a child's emotional well-being and self-perception are shaped not just by what they achieve, but by how they are seen and supported by those closest to them.

*The writer is the executive director of Hope Regeneration Africa, parenting coach, marriage counselor, and founder of the Men of Purpose Mentorship Program*

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Dickson Tumuramye is also a passionate speaker on:

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