Before You Send Your Child Back to School, Have a Conversation.
By Dickson Tumuramye
The school fees may be paid, the suitcase may be
ready, and the uniform may be neatly packed. But before you send your child
back to school, ask yourself one important question: Is my child really ready
to go back? For
parents, these final days can easily become a checklist of uniforms, books,
shoes, toiletries, transport and fees. Those things matter. But there is
another form of preparation that may matter even more, and
that is preparing the child emotionally,
mentally, and behaviorally for the term ahead.
Third Term deserves particular attention because it
is the promotional term and has final exams for
candidate classes. For
many learners, it is the final opportunity in the academic year to consolidate
what they have learnt, improve weaknesses and demonstrate that they are ready
for the next level. So,
before the child leaves home, have a meaningful conversation.
“How are you feeling about going
back?”
Do not assume that your child is excited simply
because the holiday is ending. Some children are eager to return to friends and
school activities. Others may be anxious about academics, teachers,
examinations, friendships, or something that happened last term. Instead of saying, “You are going
back to school, so be serious,” “If you don’t perform, you
will see me,” ask, “How
are you feeling about going back?”
Then listen. Do not immediately correct,
dismiss, or lecture. Sometimes a child's answer may reveal something a parent
needs to know before the child returns to school.
“Is there anything worrying you?”
This question can open doors that ordinary
conversations never do. Your
child could be worried about a difficult subject, bullying, a friendship problem,
pressure from peers, loneliness, punishment, failure, or simply the fear of not
performing as expected.
Parents should create an atmosphere where children
can speak honestly without immediately fearing punishment, confrontation, or judgement. A child who knows that home is a safe place to
report a problem is more likely to seek help before a small problem becomes a
crisis.
“What do you want to do
differently this term?”
Third Term should not begin as a continuation of
the previous term without reflection. Help your child look back. What
went well? What did not? Where did they struggle? What habits affected their
performance? Then ask
them to identify two or three things they want to improve.
For one child, it may be reading every evening. For
another, arriving in class on time, reducing unnecessary phone use, completing
assignments, or asking teachers for help when a topic is difficult. The goal is not to give a child
ten resolutions that will disappear within two weeks. It is to help them
identify realistic and measurable improvements. They have
answers to their problems, but they sometimes don’t know how to handle their
situations. Your conversation can trigger their minds to think better.
“What will you do when things go
wrong?”
This is particularly important for adolescents. Talk about peer pressure,
conflict, temptation, failure, anger, and difficult decisions. Remind your
child that making a mistake does not mean they have failed in life. What
matters is taking responsibility, learning, and seeking help.
Tell them clearly: “If something goes wrong at
school, don't hide it from us. Call us. Talk to your teacher. Seek help.” Children need to know not only
what to do when everything is going well, but also what to do when it isn't.
“How can we support you?”
This may be the most powerful question of all. Sometimes parents spend so much
time telling children what they expect from them that they forget to ask what
the children need from them. Your child may need help with a difficult subject.
Another may need encouragement. Another may simply need to know that their
parents are proud of their effort, not only their report card.
Being sent back to school should not feel like
being sent away from the family. Even when children are in
boarding school, the parent-child relationship should remain alive through
appropriate communication, encouragement, and interest in the child's
wellbeing.
Don't just pack the suitcase
As you pack uniforms, books, and personal items,
remember that the most important things your child carries to school cannot be
placed in a suitcase. They
carry your words. They
carry the confidence you have given them. They carry the values you have
taught them. They
carry the knowledge that home remains a safe place to return to when things
become difficult.
So, before you wave goodbye this weekend or next week, don't
make the final conversation a list of warnings: “Don't misbehave. Don't fail.
Don't fight. Don't disappoint us.” Instead, say something that
strengthens the child: “We
believe in you. Work hard. Make good choices. Ask for help when you need it.
Learn from your mistakes. And remember that we are here for you.”
The third term may be the promotional term, but
promotion should not be the only measure of a successful term. A child who grows in discipline,
responsibility, resilience, honesty, confidence, and the ability to make wise
choices is also making progress.
The
writer is the executive director of Hope Regeneration Africa, a parenting
coach, marriage counsellor, and founder of the Men of Purpose Mentorship
Program.
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