Beyond the Prayers: What Candidates Need Most from Their Parents
By Dickson Tumuramye
Across the country, schools are
holding dedication and thanksgiving services for candidates preparing for their
final examinations. In churches and school compounds, parents, teachers and
religious leaders gather to pray for candidates in Primary Seven, Senior Four
and Senior Six.
These occasions are important. They
allow families and schools to thank God for bringing their children this far
and to seek guidance and strength for the examination season ahead. But as the
prayers end, the children return to their books, and start their exams, there
is a question every parent should ask: What does my child need from me now? The
answer may be more than another reminder to revise.
For many candidates, examinations
are already a source of anxiety. They know that their results matter. They hear
adults discussing grades, school choices and future careers. Some have also
been told, directly or indirectly, that their performance will determine
whether their parents can be proud of them. This is where parents must be
careful.
Prayer should bring peace, not
pressure
A dedication service should
reassure a child that they are supported. It should not make them feel that
failing an examination means failing God, their school, their parents, or
everyone who believes in them.
Children need to know they are
expected to work hard, but also that their worth is greater than UNEB grades. This
makes a difference between telling a child, “Do your best,” and telling them,
“You must get the best marks.” The first encourages responsibility. The second
can create fear and anxiety that can affect good performance.
What parents say at home matters
Sometimes, parents underestimate
the power of ordinary conversations. A candidate who comes home after a
difficult day does not always need another question about how many chapters
they have completed. They may need a parent who asks, “How are you feeling?” “I
know you will make it.” They may simply need that reassurance that their
parents remain a safe place even when school becomes stressful.
Avoid comparing children with their
classmates, siblings, or relatives.
Statements such as “Your cousin is
already doing better than you” may be intended as motivation, but they can
easily produce shame, resentment, and self-doubt. Every child has different
abilities, challenges, and learning needs. This season is not for compulsion
but for encouragement because they are already under too much pressure to pass
exams.
Support the child, not just the
candidate
It is easy during examination
season to see a child primarily as a candidate whose responsibility is to
produce good results. But before they are candidates, they are children. They
still need sleep. They need nutritious meals. They need moments to relax. They
need affection and encouragement. They need parents or teachers who notice when
they are overwhelmed rather than simply demanding more effort.
For parents of Senior Four and
Senior Six candidates, there is another responsibility: helping children think
about what comes next. The conversation should not only be, “Which course will
give you the highest-paying job?” It should also include questions such as:
What are you good at? What interests you? What kind of person do you want to
become? Guidance is important, but parents should be careful not to turn their
children’s future into an unfinished version of their own dreams.
When the results finally come next
year
Eventually, the examinations will
end. Results will be released next year. Some families will celebrate
exceptional performances. Others will have to deal with disappointment and
difficult decisions. That is when the quality of our parenting will truly be
tested.
If a child performs well, celebrate
the achievement without making marks the measure of their identity. If the
results are disappointing, resist the temptation to shame, insult, or withdraw
affection. A poor result may require reflection, better strategies, or a
different educational pathway. It does not require a child to believe that they
have become a failure. The prayers being offered in schools this season should
therefore continue beyond the service.
Because when all the examinations
are over, a child is likely to remember something much more fundamental: whether,
when the pressure was greatest, their parents made them feel that they were
loved, or merely that they were expected to succeed.
That may be the most important
lesson we can teach our children this examination season.
I wish all our candidates success
in their forthcoming exams.
The writer is the executive
director of Hope Regeneration Arica, a parenting coach, marriage counsellor, &
founder – Men of Purpose mentorship programme.
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